This week I might come across sounding cliché, because this week I’m talking about crushes. More specifically, I’m talking about why I think they’re the absolute worst. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the definition of a crush, Urban Dictionary describes it to be “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special”. Would you listen to that? A burning desire. Sounds passionate. Sounds intense. Sounds painful.
Perhaps some of you reading this have had positive experiences with crushes. If that’s the case, then I bow to you gods and goddesses. However, this article is going to be for those of us who despise going through the vicious crush cycle.
To lighten the mood a bit, each reason below will be accompanied by a gif from my favorite TV show, "The Office." Maybe this is more of a selfish move on my side, but hey. I like to find the humor in most things.
Alright, prepare yourself to think about all your past, present, and future crushes because here are 12 reasons why they’re the worst.
1. The realization.
This first reason is going to be dedicated to the slow realization that you have been visited by the crush fairy. From my experience, you sometimes can’t even see the crush coming. It can all start simply because you find them cute. Or maybe you’re friends, or classmates or co-workers. Maybe it all starts because they compliment you or make you laugh. Crushes, in my book, can develop in odd, various ways.
2. The denial.
“Pfft, I don’t have a crush. How could I have a crush? I barely know them that well. I’m totally not into them. Or their nice smile. Or the way they laugh. Nope. I most definitely do not have a crush. If anything I’m immune to them. That’s right, immune I tell ya!”
I can keep this dialogue going, but let’s be real. As much as we deny it, we have a crush.
3. *Fergie voice* Clumsy ‘cause I’m fallin’ in love.
OK, maybe you’re not really falling in love. However, you are actin’ like a fool. If I’ve learned anything, when you realize you like a person, you start to act a bit awkward. You completely forget how you acted around them before. Maybe you attempt to tell them a joke. Maybe you try to compliment them, but it comes across weird. Or maybe you show them the memes you have saved on your phone. Either way, welcome to Goofball-Ville.
4. Everything they do is cute?!
Ugh, it’s so frustrating! The most mundane human tasks and qualities become endearing. The way they hold their pencil. The way they scrunch their face when they laugh. Hell, even their choice of emojis might come across cute. I can keep going on in this section, but it might get weird.
5. To tell or not to tell…your friends.
Listen, I’m not saying that you should keep secrets from your friends. What I am saying is that admitting you have a crush can be difficult. Since they care about you and want you to be happy, your friends might push you to talk to them more. They might try to boost you up to ask them out. Or they might suggest that they could tell your crush how you feel. That’s when you whip out the “Don’t you dare” glare and let them know that all of the above most likely won’t happen.
PS: At the end of the day your friends do mean well.
6. They’re on your mind 24/7.
I without doubt believe the success of the music industry can solely depend on songs about how people can’t get a certain someone off their mind. I mean, we’ve all been there. Out of the blue, you might think “I wonder what they’re up to” or “I wonder if they’ll be there.” You could hear their name and suddenly your brain is buzzing about them. Most likely, you’re not even safe in your dreams. They’ll get you there too.
7. Do they like you or are they just the nicest person ever?
Once a crush turns your mind into mush, it can become hard to tell the difference between genuine kindness or genuine interest. You might end up reading into a compliment they give you, or the way they smile at you when they see you. You end up having this battle in your mind where one part of you is being hopeful, while the other is trying to stay “realistic.” Suddenly, the meaning of a quick glance between you two rattles your brain for the next couple of days.
8. To tell or not tell…your crush.
We’ve all had that brave burst of confidence where we think “Hey, I’m gonna tell them how I feel.” For those of you who have actually done that, please know I genuinely think that’s amazing. It’s scary to put yourself out there like that and I do hope a positive outcome happened somehow, someway. For those of you who have had that thought, but never went through with it; it’s alright. I’m here with you. Maybe we’ll get it next time.
9. Like Nick Jonas, I just get jealous.
Oh, jealousy. You aren’t the kindest of traits. Jealously can be especially frustrating when it’s over someone you’re not even dating. Someone else likes your crush? Boop, jealousy. Someone else talks to your crush? Bam, jealousy. Destiny’s Child warned us when they said “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly,” but we didn’t listen. We didn’t listen.
10. Strictly PB for me, because I don’t want this J.
Along with jealously comes this feeling of annoyance. You get bothered by the fact that you’re even feeling jealous. “I don’t date them.” “They don’t know I like them.” “They can talk to whoever they want.” “I just want them to be happy.” As much as you might repeat those statements to yourself, the jealously still tends to linger. Along with the annoyance.
11. Pfft, build me a bridge because I’m getting over this crush.
Imagine yourself waking up to birds chirping and the sun shining. Your crush comes to mind, but for the first time there’s no tingles down your spine. No ache in your chest or buzzing in your brain. You think, “Is this it? I have finally gotten over them?!” Maybe you have and maybe it’s a freeing moment for you.
12. The Realization 2.0
I hope you enjoy that sunshiny morning of being over your crush, because I have some news for you. You’re not really over them! Maybe you last for a couple days. Maybe you last a week. The twisted thing about crushes, though, is that they can reel you back in. All they have to do is walk past you and poof. Your feelings are handed back to you on a silver platter. Don’t worry. It’ll eventually end soon. How will it end? Well, I don’t know. Crushes can be exceptionally unpredictable. Now, to end this article on a cliché note I’ll say; crushes, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
