What exactly is dating?

I’m sure we all have our opinions, and most of the time, the answers vary. I remember my friends and I randomly having a conversation about the distinctive words we use to describe dating. There are two specific words that I know people often use: “'Oh, I’m seeing someone,’ or, 'Are you talking to someone?'” Last time I checked, seeing and talking are not synonymous with the word dating. If I wanted to see someone, I would actually go outside in this heated weather and visit them at their home. If I wanted to talk to someone, I’d pick up the phone and call them. Dating, however, is a combination of the both. For me, it’s as simple as going to a dinner or a movie and enjoying one another’s company. But do we date in search of a future life partner or are we just serials daters? Does dating even exist anymore?

My personal opinion is that dating has become scarce. From an objective point of view, it looks as if we're just serial daters with a commitment-phobia. It's rare that I meet someone in public (almost nonexistent) that I have resorted to technology and eventually I have given that up on that, too. It’s become too much of a hassle to actually be interested in someone and only to be pushed away at the opportunity to become something more. Even the idea that someone is remotely interested confuses me.

Nonetheless, several of my peers have shared their perspectives on dating in this generation and whether or not they participate.

“Dating these days sucks because of technology. Too many miscommunications and drama. Also for people around our age, dating usually leads to pregnancy which if you’re in school or working on your future is a huge setback. Not to mention that most people in our age range are too immature to handle relationships. They play games, fake feelings or expect too much. And while there are many exceptions to all these examples, I think dating is not worth it unless you know 100 percent what you want and you find that in another person." - Anonymous

“I think dating in this generation is like a fossil dinosaur to some, just waiting to be extinct. I say that because the morals are no longer the same, it’s not genuine enough to date someone to see where their mind is at. It’s more like a trophy ceremony, showing who you dated and how far around the bases you have gone with that individual.” - Rasheem, 35
“It depends on the type of person you are really. Most girls nowadays go for the guy with a ton of money who treat them like crap over other people with a few exceptions. I don’t really talk to girls when I’m out unless I think it’s a mutual attraction and even then, if the convo is forced, I normally just end it there so online is where I meet people that way you know the person and how the convo can go. The only hard part is waiting to see if they really look like the pictures lol.” - Kris, 23

“This generation doesn’t value love the way we should. It’s almost always about the need to have sex. It’s more lust driven than anything, and then when you fall in love, everything gets all fucked up! 'Oh, I didn’t mean to catch feelings,' or, 'No one told you to fall in love with me, you doing too much.' I swear to God, I’m blessed in my relationship because if I was single, I’d give up altogether.” - Breyana, 21

“I feel that there isn’t really a middle ground in millennial dating. Half of us are so disenchanted by the lack of commitment and the other half is in a mad dash to settle down because that’s what we are supposed to do. I think most of us either choose to be single, but date around or will be in a committed relationship without marriage because we are taking longer to figure out what we want. I dated around for a little while, but came across men who were punching 30 and had just gotten out of long term relationships or who had kids, and they all wanted a thing that wasn’t a thing. They wanted hand holding, hookups and phone calls but got nervous if there was the chance that I actually might like them. We’re pushing 30, but trying to hold onto some fictionalized version of ideal unattachment and I think it’s the reason why we lie to ourselves and other people. So for me I’m not dating because I don’t want to hit 30 and realize that I didn’t travel or pursue dreams because I was naively chasing people who were never capable of loving me. However, I do think there is hope but we all need to be more honest with ourselves first and stop being so willing to bend for other people.” - Tiffany, 23

“I can’t help. I hate all relationships.” - Alisha, 22

“I don't know, it’s the same as any generation to me. People say hook up culture is new but it’s not. People forget the free love of the 70s. And then in the 80s and the 90s other things have taken the forefront. But people not being in a relationship has been around longer than you and I have been alive. It’s just that older generations like to call attention to us so that they can feel better about themselves. And I have participated [in dating]. I’ve had a girlfriend before.” - Anonymous

“I try to participate, but with the mentality of the men of our generation, I always wind up falling back. Boys are so threatened by the idea of a woman that doesn’t need them and has a standard set higher than the average t*ot on the block that they bullsh*t until you cut them off. Their masculinity is so fragile and is threatened everyday by media and their friends that anything like “commitment” or “being whipped” scares them into being man whores and ruining good girls.” - Asia, 20

“I think dating sucks. This generation destroyed the act of dating by being overly sexual, dishonest and not truly looking for someone to spend your life with, but instead they look for someone to screw for the moment. I date, but I can’t say it ever works. In my past two relationships, one thought she had too many options and the other had too much baggage. I’m starting a career and making moves for my future but the future seems bleak with such a sucky dating scene.” - Opeyemi, 26

“I think that relationships fail now in society because people look at relationship goals on social media and believe that that is what should define a relationship. People use social media as a place to vent, putting their relationship at stake, exposing their lives.” - Kylie, 19
“I think that with dating and our generation, it’s really difficult to get into a relationship. Having to worry about worry about it being legit, if it’s just about the sex (even if the other person makes it seem like a relationship), or if the two of you are “just talking.” You also have to worry about trust and communication, and if the other person is having intimate relationships with other people and how many. And what if you get pregnant? Do you keep the baby? Do you abort it, or have it adopted? Does your partner break up with you after finding out you’re pregnant? Then you have to worry about age. Dating your age or younger can involve a ton of immaturity. Up to four years older can be okay, but is the person looking for a legit relationship? Five to 10 years older, they’ll think you’re too young, and you make them feel old. More than 10 years can make that person seem like a creep, unless you’re into older guys. It’s frustrating, sometimes, and all of that doesn’t even include personality, looks, or even what someone’s “type” is. Because a lot of these things, and having more important priorities, I choose to be single until a guy comes along, where we’re hopefully best friends before we get into an intimate relationship.” - Alexis, 22

“I'm currently saying in this generation and I think dating in this generation takes a lot of patience. We have so many distractions and negativity every second we get on social media and we tend to devalue our relationship by comparing it to other people we view them as perfect couple and want to initiate than and try in cooperate what they do into your relationship ... I think there’s also a lot jealousy, trust issues and cheating going on and most of it is based on the negative stuff we see on social media. If I wouldn't want to participate in this generation dating it would be due to the trust. Trust is something that's hard to gain and easily to lose. Most people don't express their feelings to their partner or keep stuff away from them because they’re afraid of what they might think or react. Also having someone else while in a relationship is so glorify in this generation it makes people scared to actually love someone because you just never know so most people go into relationships one foot in one foot out because you just never know.” - Anonymous

Whether you agree with these opinions or not, they do have merit. Dating has changed over the course of time and will continue to do so to accommodate the up and coming generations. Each person has their opinion of what dating could and should be, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t change it either. In the end, it all happens when we don’t expect it to. When it does, it’ll become another chapter in your book.