As Christmastime rolled around once again, I found myself watching the 1963 version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer several times. This movie has always been one of my all time holiday favorites, but by my fourth viewing this year in a two week span, I started to analyze it. Maybe it's the daze of just coming out of finals week, but these reindeer games started to reveal deeper meanings to me. Here are a few samplings of my peppermint hot chocolate induced musings on this holiday classic.
1. Yukon Cornelius the prospector was hot.
He had that whole manly lumberjack thing going for him. With his beanie, yellow earmuffs and full ginger beard, he may be a mountain man of the North Pole, but he is basically any 20 something year old man living in New York today. Just give him a yelp account to exclaim what a foodie he is and a studio apartment in Brooklyn.
2. Rudolph and Clarice's relationship was pretty darn cute.
She was one ballsy reindeer. When Rudolph was a self-centered jerk in the beginning, she set him straight, and told him she liked him for who he was. She wasn't into average reindeer, she wanted one that glows.
3. The reindeer sleigh training sounded awful.
This was like any gym class nightmare, with the gruff, hyper masculine gym teacher who believes 'bullying' and 'reindeer games' make you stronger. I think I would be OK with getting picked last this time, if my teammates where as big jerks as all the other reindeer.
4. Santa was kind of a jerk.
He told Dasher, Rudolph's father, that if Rudolph wanted to be on his sleigh team one day, he had better get rid of his red nose. I thought Santa was supposed to be sweet and jolly, not a guy who pressured newly born deer to conform to harmful deer body standards. I wonder if their magazines have photoshopped deer in them too?
5. Of all the professions to want as an alternative to toy making, why did Hermey what to be a Dentist?
Don't dentists have the highest suicide rate of all professions? And how could cleaning other people's teeth be his most exciting option? He lives in the North Pole for goodness sake.
6. For a wise old snowman, Sam sure knew how to accessorize.
I feel like Sam the Snowman was really into his aesthetic. From the bowler hat and plaid vest, to the toothbrush mustache and goatee, he was the epitome of Christmas Town style.
7. Why did Santa go from stick thin to plump and round in a week?
Mrs. Claus spent the entire movie fussing over how skinny Santa was. For months leading up to Christmas we are given the impression that Santa was so stressed out he wasn't eating. Not to skinny/fat shame Santa at all, but not eating for months and then binging the week before Christmas to build up his physique doesn't seem like a healthy or sustainable plan.
8. The other elves in Santa's workshop were conformist cogs in the North Pole consumerist machine.
Did anyone else catch the resemblance between Santa's workshop and 1984's Big Brother controlled society? Talk about a lack of workers rights, maybe they should unionize.
9. The Abominable Snowman needed to see a hair stylist, pronto.
You're looking a little disheveled there buddy, I think you need to see someone. Also the white hair isn't doing you any favors in the age department, how old are you, 200? I could definitely recommend a good colorist.
10. The misfit toys are still the most depressing part of this movie.
Even if Santa found them 'good homes' they are still poor quality toys that probably have lead paint. Lets be real, any wooden train with square wheels instead of round ones was probably made cheap by children in horrible working conditions who were paid nothing. Is this movie really a statement on corporations taking advantage of the youth of third world countries? Maybe I am reading way too far into this. I feel like that's a little too progressive for the 1960s.
11. The North Pole gang became the ultimate squad goals.
Everyone was happily reunited and all was jolly and bright. Rudolph lead Santa's sleigh, Hermey began his career as an unlicensed dentist, the toothless Abominable Snowman made friends, Yukon found his silver and gold, and Mr. and Mrs. Claus settled in for a long winter's sleep.
