I often find myself staring up at the sky, thinking about all the circumstances that have led me up to this very moment. My life flashes before my eyes, and I spend a moment taking solace in the fact that I can only go up from here. Let me make one thing clear, I’m not talking about some sort of extremely substantial, life-changing moment of self-realization. I’m talking about the daily norm of someone who is half clumsy and half oblivious. When I would fall over as a kid, my mother would write it off as childish clumsiness, but here I am; 20 years old and falling over nothing. Here are a few thoughts that clumsy people like me relate all too well with.
1. “I’d literally rather break my face than my phone.”
It might be a little materialistic to think this, but a cracked screen is one of the worst outcomes of a fall.
2. “My phone is cracked this time for sure. “
Sometimes I don't even want to look down at the screen because I'm positive that the crunch sound I heard wasn't a body part.
3. “God, I hope nobody saw me fall.”
Falling over nothing is embarrassing. Falling in front of a crowd is humiliating.
4. “That guy definitely saw me fall.”
Well, I can never talk to him again.
5. “It’s fine, my jeans are cooler with rips in the knee.”
Who needs those expensive ripped jeans from Urban Outfitters when you can get the same look just by walking around campus?
6. “Well, heels are out of the question.”
I can barely walk in my tennis shoes, high heels are basically a public safety issue.
7. “Okay; concentrate on the stairs for real this time.”
For the love of God, don't trip on these stairs.
8. “If I fall on these stairs, I’m going to take everyone behind me down with me.”
These people don't even know that they're teetering on the edge of being dragged down with me.
9. “I think I’ve twisted my ankle this time.”
This means I don't have to go to class, right?
10. “Nevermind, it’s my back, I’ve broken my back.”
I'm going to have to ask for a walker for Christmas this year.
11. “That’s it. I’m done. I’m not getting back up this time.”
I give up, I'm just going to lie here until I die.
