I am only 16 years old. I still have a decade more of mistakes to make, people to meet, heartbreaks, and good times before I start a family of my own. But so far, with 16 years under my belt and countless dreams of what my future will be like, I cannot help imagining what kind of life I will have and what kind of person I will become.
I hope and pray that I grow to be half the woman and mother my own mom has been to me. She is my role model, best friend, number one supporter, and everything I aspire to be as a person. I couldn't imagine my world without her, and I hope to have the same impact on my own kids one day. Being a girl, growing up comes with many challenges and obstacles that I wouldn't have been able to get throughout without my mom. So this is 16-year-old me writing an article dedicated to my future daughter.
1. Having a few close friends is more special than being popular.
I know you see the group of girls at lunch or out at a party looking like they are having the time of their lives and you want to be like them, or maybe you're "lucky" enough to be one of them. It looks so glamorous, I know. I envied those girls in high school. Believe me when I tell you, having 2-4 close friends who do not gossip behind your back, who are there for you through it all, and who genuinely care about you is ten times better than being in a group of 10-15 girls who gossip, betray, and lie. Sure they look happy at a party, but I promise you, they always have to watch their back. Being popular isn't everything; it's nothing when you can't trust your own friends. Be with girls who make you feel like a better you; it is much better, I promise.
2. The number on the scale does not define you.
Put down the magazine, and forget about being the "perfect image." So you wear a size medium in some things and a large in others? You think the boys in your class don't like you because you aren't a stick? It took me a long, long time to figure this out, and it would've saved me from a destructive path if someone told me when I was younger that the number on the scale doesn't matter. Starving yourself, binging, and purging aren't long-lasting solutions. Believe your mother when she says that. The number on the scale doesn't define you, the way you love yourself and take care of yourself does, so love yourself.
3. You are enough.
You need to know that the teenage you is enough. You will hear from every girl, boy, and social media platform that you are not enough: That you're too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too quiet, too loud, too nice, too mean... The list goes on and on. Don't listen. Ignore all these criticisms that the world throws your way. You will never please everybody, and you will never be perfect. But to me, you are altogether beautiful, altogether lovely, and altogether wonderful. I cannot wait to see the young woman that you are growing up to be. I hope and pray that you will be a woman of character and a woman of integrity. I hope that you will get to experience the joy of having friends who stick by you during the good and the bad. You need to know that you are worth the pursuit, respect, and love of a man who will treat you the way you deserve. Please never settle or compromise for some boy who won't appreciate you. But when you do get your heart broken, please know that it is not your fault -- he is too immature to see the beautiful woman that you are and how blessed he is to have you.
4. Find the beauty in everything.
There will be a lot of people in your life that’ll tell you “this world is cruel” or so many people are horrible, but I can promise you, if you look for the angel in everyone, your life will be filled with joy. Not many people in this world look for the good in everyone anymore but you should. Just because someone does a horrible thing that doesn’t make them a horrible person, it makes them human. Remember that. So look for the halo over everyone's heads, even if their wings are broken or bent.
5. You're never too old for a good Disney movie.
Especially "The Little Mermaid," "Beauty and the Beast," or any of the "Camp Rock" movies.
6. Friends will come and go, but you will find true friendships that will last a lifetime.
The people you surround yourself with will have a huge impact on your life, so make sure that you invest in the kind of people who push you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. You will have many people in your life come and go. People who you think will be your best friends will end up becoming strangers to you. Be kind to everyone, but be strong enough to not let people walk all over you. Do not waste your time on "toxic" friends who tear you down. I can promise that you will find good, true friends who will lift you up and love you for who you are.
7. Love yourself.
I want you to love yourself and know your beauty without a compliment or a mirror. Don't let your sense of self-worth come from a boy, how much you weigh, what you look like, or what others think of you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and created for greatness. You are so very loved.
8. Your first heartbreak will be the hardest, but it will be okay.
Lord have mercy on the boy who breaks your heart. You will be going through a hurricane of emotions. It might even feel like your whole world is crumbling, so it's okay to cry hard and stuff your face with ice cream. I'll be right there by your side with another spoon. I will remind you of how truly special, beautiful, and cherished you are. Because you are, and you will find someone one day who will never make you doubt any of those things. Heartbreaks are a part of life; from each relationship you will grow more and more and be one step closer to the wonderful man that God has picked out for you. You will get through it and be happy again, I promise.
9. It is okay to feel pain.
In case one day I forget what it feels like to be distraught and sixteen, I want you to know that there will come a time where you feel yourself deteriorate into nothing and that is okay. You must go through struggle to find strength. I won’t let you go through it alone; I will be there if you need me at all hours of the night because the hours between 12AM and 6AM make you feel like you are either on top of the world or underneath it. Find a song that soothes your heart, and please don’t forget that you are human and it is okay to feel pain, it means you are alive. Just breathe.
10. Your mental health comes first.
Your mental health comes before school every single time. If it’s midnight and you are too sad to move, or you’re stressed out because of a biology exam, put the book down and go to sleep. One bad score will not diminish you in my eyes, it will not make me love you any less, and it will not take away your chances of getting into medical school. Your health and happiness are more important than the letter at the top of a test. Please don’t forget that. If it’s 3AM and you find yourself in a state of complete despair, please don’t try to drown your demons: they can swim and they will. Climb into my bed and I will rub your back until they’ve fallen asleep. I refuse to be oblivious to your sufferings.
11. Be independent.
I want you to understand just how powerful you are as an individual. You don’t need to rely on me or anyone else to tell you what you’re capable of or if you will succeed.