1. Oh no, my grandma has that nostalgic gleam in her eye. Here comes one of her unfiltered stories. Time to look to the bottom of my wine glass for support.
"You kids think you invented everything, but your grandfather used to be a creature in the bedroom!"
2. Did my great uncle just say he supports Trump? Should I tell him its only because they both have the same "corn husk looking" comb over?
3. Shoot I'm really buzzed ... oh no I think I might be about to say I support Bernie. Feel the Bern, overly conservative relatives.
4. What am I planning to do in the future, you ask? Well, I plan on downing three more glasses of wine, and trying to survive this political conversation by making fun of it on Snapchat.
5. You mean like the after graduation future? I don't know but I found a building where the heat escapes from an outside vent. I figure with a nice sleeping bag it'll make a good place to sleep after I finish paying off student loans.
6. Do I have a boyfriend? No. The only man I see consistently is "The Bachelor" every Monday at 8 p.m., and even then I’m competing with 25 other women. All of whom he knows exist (he doesn't know I exist).
7. Do I really have to say grace? What if I mess up in front of my overly religious relatives? The only kind of Mary I’m interested in talking about comes with celery, and certainly isn’t the “Virgin” kind.
8. Thanks. I know I look "pretty' and "grown up." I better look f*%#$@ beautiful for the pain I’m enduring right now. My bulging stomach is desperately trying to break free of this sexist cage known as "panty hose."
9. I better eat more turkey, ooh and some of that pumpkin pie, so my stomach doesn’t get even more pissed at me.
10. Did my grandpa really just call homosexuality a trend? You know what's also a trend, and one that should stay in the 1920s? Flat cap hats like the one you're wearing...
11. Did my grandma really just ask me how to take a selfie? How does she know what a selfie is? I thought she thought a tweet was the sound her bird clock makes....