For newly expecting, first-time mothers, it is so difficult to know what exactly to expect while expecting. The second you announce you are pregnant, you will receive loads of advice, direction and especially opinions. It can be difficult to process and filter through all of the information, and it might just have you questioning your entire being. Although I may not be able to tell you whether your baby is a boy or a girl based on the swing of a ring or how your urine interacts with baking soda, I can shed some light on 11 things that actually happen during pregnancy:
1. Blind judgement
Both my husband and I being young (20 and 21 years old) has yielded quite a bit of judgement from our peers regarding our choice to have a child. Of course, most assume it was an accident. After all, why in the world would two married, stable adults want to have a child? You get my point. I also often get very shocked, yet pleased, looks when I mention that I am still in school and still plan to graduate with my Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology in just eight more months of school, as if they just expected that I had dropped out. Apparently I didn’t get the memo that parenthood means your world stops spinning and you have to give up on all of your goals, hopes and dreams. If anything, we are even more driven to accomplish all of our goals for our daughter. Point being, whether your pregnancy was planned or not; whether you are 20 years old or 50 years old; whether you have a stable job and a home or are living with your parents; whether you are going to school or taking a semester off, you are going to receive blind judgement from someone, but the truth is only you know what is going to be best for you and your child(ren). So don’t let people stop you from living your life the way you want to. Hold your heads high, rock motherhood/parenthood, and do your thing; don’t get discouraged, and accomplish all of your goals and dreams.
2. Unwanted opinions
From co-sleeping, breastfeeding, how much weight you should gain, and what you should and shouldn’t eat, the opinions and advice of others will constantly be heard by you. These opinions will come flooding in more quickly than you can process them. So when someone tells you “You really just don’t have that pregnancy glow” or “I really think you should be eating healthier," just let it flow in one ear and out the other. Chances are, the person telling you to put down that third pack of Swiss Rolls isn’t carrying around 40 extra pounds, having to drink eight-plus glasses of water a day, having to eat healthier, or having to grow a human. So give yourself a break, throw your hair in a messy bun, have a coke, a cupcake and some Taco Bell, put on your sweats, and do whatever your little heart desires because you deserve it.
3. Unwanted touching
Just a quick disclaimer: Strangers in the supermarket will approach you and touch your belly. I thought this was a joke. I thought, “Who would actually have the guts to walk up and touch someone’s body they don’t even know?” It happens, people.
4. The sneeze
I learned this one the hard way. I was sitting on the couch watching "Hart of Dixie," as usual. I felt like I needed to use the restroom, but of course I had to finish the episode first. I could feel the baby's weight on my bladder, but I just knew I could make it until the end of the episode. Until I sneezed. And woop, zoop, sloop - yeah, that happens, too.
5. Awkward sex
There, I said it. Sex gets a little awkward when you have the equivalent of a basketball between yourself and your partner. Not to mention you may or may not feel like a beached whale. Or how about when “spicing it up” and switching positions entails three minutes of rearranging pillows - there’s just no way to make that sexy. It’s a real struggle.
6. The Know-It-All
You will meet this person or multiple of them. All you moms know who I’m talking about - the person who has had children and therefore has all of the answers. They can predict what gender your child will be without a shadow of a doubt because they have had children and they know. They know all of the ins and outs of parenting, and their way is the only way. No need to worry or wonder about anything because they can pretty much map out your entire future regarding your child. The truth is, every single pregnancy is different in one form or another. Not that these mothers' opinions are wrong in any way, but they simply may not apply to your pregnancy. Although sometimes we like to skip past the unknown and find consolation in others telling us what will happen, realistically there is no way to know besides to wait and find out for yourself.
7. Self-esteem crash
I was always the kind of person who thought I would be so content with everything, including my body, during pregnancy. I thought I would be a barefoot, pregnant, glowing, ball of bliss dancing in a field of sunflowers. I never understood why pregnant women got so self-conscious during pregnancy because I couldn’t think of a better excuse to get fat. In reality, putting on 25-plus pounds, getting dark stretch marks on multiple areas of your body, not having the energy to get ready every day, and not being able to fit into any of your old clothes really takes a toll on your self-esteem. Whatever you do, do not look at pre-pregnancy photos. I repeat, do not look at pre-pregnancy photos. I am by no means a 10, but compared to my size and appearance now, I was the fourth Kardashian before I got pregnant. It may seem like the end of the world while you’re going through it, but every single stretch mark, bum-day, pound, tear, etc., will be totally worth it in the end.
8. Self-consciousness and paranoia
Tailing right on self-esteem, my pregnancy has brought me a newly found sense of self-consciousness and paranoia. Because of problems with self-esteem, I am often self-conscious about the way I look. Luckily, I have an exceptional spouse who loves me in all of my forms and encourages me by assuring me every single day that I am still just as, if not even more, beautiful in his eyes. Unluckily, my newly found paranoia tells me that he is lying to spare my feelings and that there is no possible way he could possibly see me as “beautiful” or “sexy” anymore. As hard as it is to see, if you have someone who is there for you encouraging you, take their compliments to heart instead of discounting them as attempts at being nice. Just know that you are beautiful, and the stretch marks won’t last forever - well, they might. But that’s beside the point.
9. Nesting
When you start feeling this insatiable urge to clean, clean and clean again; spend most of your time at the supermarket in the cleaning aisle buying new (often unnecessary) cleaning supplies; spend most of your spare time washing, folding and organizing onesies; have your husband scrubbing vents, replacing air filters and scrubbing bath tubs; are struggling internally between knowing you shouldn’t use bleach but also knowing it’s the only chemical that does the job, you have advanced to the nesting stage. Unless they have been there before, most people will not understand your sense of urgency to clean, especially your significant other. It is very important to note that, very unfortunately, men do not nest. There is no cure or quick-fix for this, so clean away, momma. Eventually, you will run out of things to clean.
10. Mood swings
Whether you are bawling your eyes out for an unknown cause or bordering on 2007 Britney, you are sure to experience some explainable, unexpected and often unwanted emotions throughout your pregnancy. To put this in perspective, I was in serious distress the other day; I'm talking tears, rage, the whole nine yards. Why you ask? My husband put garlic powder in my scrambled eggs. I was crying. Over eggs.
11. A full heart
Through the good and bad, the ups and downs, one thing that is sure to actually happen is a full heart. Every little flutter, kick, movement, ultrasound and heartbeat will make every single thing you experience absolutely worth it.
Pregnancy is a beautiful journey that can’t fully be understood until you experience it yourself. You will experience all-time highs and all-time lows, but at the end of the day, how awesome is it to think that God chose you and only you to be the mother of the little human(s) growing inside of you? So when people have things to say or when you are just having one of those days, remember that you are the one He felt was meant to take care of that little person for the rest of their lives. You are strong, you are important, and by golly you are in the process of growing a human. It is NOT an easy task, but don’t let the bad outweigh the good, and cherish every second of this time that you have been blessed with.
