Working in the food industry has always had a bad reputation, but I never knew just how rough serving was until I became a waitress myself. Let me tell you something: People love to complain. It sadly makes me miss a world where children were disciplined and the world wasn’t so needy. Just to help you realize a small part of what a typical waiter/waitress has to deal with on a day-to-day basis, here is just some of the BS complaints that I hear working as a waitress — along with my inward sarcastic replies to their idiocy.

1. There’s too much ice/not enough ice in my cup.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I forget to count the number of cubes in your cup to your exact specifications? Please forgive me.

2. You forgot the mustard.

Lady, I’m trying to remember seven tables all by memory right now, including their drinks, appetizers, salads and sandwiches and you’re not going to give me a break for forgetting a packet of freaking mustard?

3. This table is disgusting.

Then why in the hell would you sit there when there are five other tables perfectly cleaned for your choosing, you sack of wine?

4. Excuse me, can I have another refill?

Oh, you mean on top of the four I just gave you, you thirsty hoe? No, sure let me just make your table a priority over the six others because the world revolves around you, obviously.

5. We’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes.

Bitch, no you haven’t. You’ve been waiting for at the most 10 minutes. And the reason why you’ve been waiting so long is because five of my tables sat down all at once and you were the last table to sit down. So, if you think you can do better…

6. I asked for no tomatoes.

Just take the freaking tomato off the sandwich and quit being so damn picky. Honestly, people these days expect everything to revolve around them. Do people even spank their children anymore?

7. You forgot his salad.

Listen, people. I cannot carry all of your five entrees at once. Do I look like a f*cking octopus?

8. This food is awful.

How is that my fault? If your sh*tty taste buds don’t like the food, then don’t eat here. Why do you feel the need to complain to me about it? I don’t like Chinese food. Does that mean I have a right to go up to Ichiban and complain? No! So take a seat, bro!

9. We need to go somewhere, can you hurry it up?

If you needed to get somewhere you should have stopped at McDonald’s! Let me be the smart one here and notify you that there are several tables with orders in front of you, since you are too stupid to tell the restaurant is packed. Thank you! Come again!

10. There’s no napkins.

Are you telling me? Or are you kindly asking me to go get you napkins because the table before used about 30 napkins? Sorry, I just got confused by your sh*tty manners.

11. We wanted our check all on one bill.

Seriously? Is math really this hard for you?