It's been three months, a day, a year, six years, however long, since they broke your heart. It's been longer than you thought you should need, but still not long enough. Heartbreaks are, well, heartbreaking. Whether it's a break up, a case of unrequited love, a case of rejection, or any other situation that has left your heart broken and shattered, the process of healing is a long and painful one. And there are certain things which suggest the healing process is beginning, and suggest that process is a beautiful one. And sometimes, the small things are the ones that are the most important.
1. You can listen to that song again.
You know the one I'm talking about, The one that brings back memories of them, the one that was your song, the one that makes you feel everything all at once but also nothing at all. The one that always made you think of them, or of you two together. The one you used to love but have been unable to listen to for so long2. You can stop, or start, texting him again.
It may have taken you almost three months to realize that the constant texting and snapchatting was hurting you and not allowing you to heal. But, you noticed and stopped, hoping that they would notice and care and initiate a conversation. And, they haven't yet. But it's okay, because each day the temptation to pick up your phone and ask them whether half a five hour energy would give you half as much energy or full energy for half as long, or to talk to them about your deepest most secrets you used to trust them with, lessens.
3. You've been working more, and working harder.
You work more because it keeps you busy- prevents you from thinking about them as much. But, you're also bettering yourself, which means doing as much as you can as best as you can. Because one day, you'll look back and regret not working harder because you were hung up on someone who never deserved you in the first place.
4. You're able to see them, or the two of them together, and not want to cry, punch them in the face, or vomit.
You still look away when you see them holding hands or hugging in public. But, you can see them sitting next to each other and not want to run away. You can be say hi to her without your anger swelling so much it hurts. You can exchange pleasantries with him without breaking inside.
5. You find yourself starting to possibly fall for someone else, or at least giving yourself the opportunity to allow yourself to.
You're not over them, and that's okay. So, don't rush. But, you're heart's healing and you're beginning to consider that there is another person out there you could one day fall for- harder than you fell for the one who broke your heart.
6. You start to do fun stuff again, even if you have to see them.
You go to that event that seems like so much fun but weeks earlier you would have avoided because you knew they'd be there. You are still trying to keep your distance for your heart's sake, but you have stopped letting them ruin your fun.
7. You're beginning to rediscover who you are again, and you're not afraid to let everyone know who that is.
You're the girl who likes dissecting things, blowing things up, wants to go hunting, and thinks that being a superhero is really cool. You're an intelligent, nerdy, book lover who loves food, football, Chemistry, and good music. You're weird but beautiful, and you've embraced that. You've allowed others to see your true self and not apologized for who you are. You've discovered who you are beyond who you wanted them to think you were.
8. Your bad days are fewer and further between.
You don't wake up feeling depressed or angry as often. You don't feel tears coming all the time anymore. You don't want to sit in your room relishing in what could have been.
9. You've begun to appreciate the little things again.
You listen to the sound of your feet crunching beneath the snow, you take a walk in the beautiful sunshine, you adore the sound of the rain, the feeling of lotion on your hands, and the smell of a new book. You smile at the squirrel passing by and the baby sitting in the stroller.
10. You're laughing again.
You're not just chuckling at something you know was supposed to be funny, or was once funny to you. You're hanging out with your friends and wholeheartedly laughing- the kind that starts in your innermost being and bubbles up to the surface uncontrollably. The kind that illuminates a room and radiates from your face.
11. You've stopped watching the door constantly to see if they'll show up.
Even after they walked away from you, you still checked the door every five minutes to see if they'd show up. You hoped they'd walk through the door, and you'd pray that maybe they've changed their mind about you. But, you've told yourself that's insane and you deserve better than that. So, you've started engaging with the others around you, and stopped caring whether or not they show up.
You're not over them yet, and that's okay. These things take time. For some, a little time. For some, a lot. But, you'll get there at exactly the right time. For now, you're rejoicing in the little indicators that your heart is beginning to heal.
