We've all gone through the struggles of being perpetually injured, so I've made 11 basic rules to keep yourself alive and (hopefully) in one piece.

1. Never pick anything up from the ground.

There are way too many ways to be hurt doing this seemingly simple task; it’s just not worth it. You trip and it’s game over.

2. Use escalators the correct way.

Trying to be adventurous and go up the down escalator? Don’t. We all know how this ends.

3. Make sure laces are tied.

We’ve all had the occasional trip on our laces moment, but for us it’s more of a lifestyle.

4. If something seems oddly easy to do, stop.

“Oh this jump is definitely not that big, I can totally make it across this chasm.” “No, I definitely think that running full-speed on this uneven concrete is totally going to work in my favor.”

5. Just keep your shoes on.

How can you stub your toe on the edge of the refrigerator?? How did your toe even come that close to it??

6. Don’t roll off of your bed.

How many good men and women were lost in the fight against the floor? We fought the floor and the floor won.

7. Only own soft items in your immediate living quarters.

How many times have we run around the house running into things aimlessly to find that they hurt a hell of a lot more than we understood? Everything should be a stuffed animal. That makes things exponentially easier.

8. Most implements used to alter hair on women (i.e. straighteners, curling irons, etc.) are definitely instruments of the devil.

Don’t use these things for microphones; you will never know if they are no longer warm from recent use. You will learn the very painfully hot way.9.

9. If you are using a scooter, stop it.

Seriously, I swear the only thing they are good for is breaking wrists.

10. Running on uneven ground = disaster.

Seemingly a no-brainer, but we have been the countless victims of “Wait for me, guys!” and falling to our demises.

11. Running at all = disaster.

Honestly, who the hell even invented running? You’re the worst.