Congratulations! You made it to the end, walked across the stage, and are now hotter by one degree (or maybe two!) You learned a lot, maybe drank a lot, and now your adult life is about to truly begin. Unfortunately, there's one thing your college professors didn't teach you: how to dodge the horrifying "college graduate" questions. I honestly wish I knew the answers, and if I did, I would share all the secrets with you! Mom, Dad, Grandma, and all the neighbors are going to be asking these questions that are going to make you feel like absolute crap if you don't have your entire life planned out already. And seriously, have any of us thought that far? We never even thought we would make it to graduation, let alone the next day.
1. So what was your GPA?
2. Did you graduate with honors?
Another question that leaves students feeling violated. Does my blood, sweat, and tears somehow mean less if I don't have some sort of ribbon wrapped around my neck when I walk across that stage? I'm happy to have made it here, and that should be enough for you, too.
3. Are you going to miss it?
Considering I took finals only a few days ago, my mind is on break mode. Of course I'm going to miss every part of the school that shaped me into the person I am today, but right now I need a mimosa and a long vacation.
4. Do you have a job yet?
As much as I want that mimosa and vacation, I also can't afford them because no, I haven't gotten a job yet. Let's change the topic, okay?
5. What are you going to do now?
I want to drink and relax. Oh, you mean, with my degree? Yeah, so the weather is crazy lately, right? Where is spring, anyway?
6. What other degrees can you get now?
This bachelor's degree doesn't somehow qualify me for all other degrees. I have to find schools, apply, choose programs, and all of that might not actually be for me. Not all careers require higher education than this.
7. How many loans do you have to pay back?
I really don't see how anyone can find this appropriate. I don't ask people how much money they have in savings, so don't ask me about all my debt. We all have a pretty good idea of the answer, anyway. It doesn't need to be voiced out loud.
8. When are you moving out?
Well, we can discuss that when I can at least put a dent in these college loans. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Loving and appreciating you beyond words.
9. What can you do with that major?
Leave me and my passion alone! I am sure things will work out. It's all about positive thinking, right?
10. How long is it going to take you to find a job?
When I hear this, I just want to scream. Good things take time!
11. Do you feel different?
Yes, this morning I woke up and realized I had no more classes, no more finals, no group projects, and no papers left. Yes, I feel stress free. I didn't know what this could possibly feel like, until you asked question 7.
