When you're in band, you usually have a whole section of other people going through the same struggles that you are, but not if you're a bassoonist. At best, we have one, maybe two comrades with whom we can sympathize, but usually, we're flying solo. Sure, there aren't many of us, but band directors love us for playing one of the most obscure and outrageous instruments on the planet. We love our bassoons, and they love us (probably), but there will always be a handful of problems that only we can understand, so here's a post to reassure you that your pain is felt by others, too.
1. We take forever to get ready.
We've got four pieces of the body, the bocal, the reed, the seat strap, the hand rest, the reed water, the extra reeds, the music, a pencil, a tuner... So. Many. Things.
2. Our key to finger ratio is seriously screwed up.
Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to give us nine keys to play with just the left-hand thumb?
3. Our reed water spills. All. The. Time.
Spilled reed water? More like a puddle of my tears.
4. Seat straps.
Everyone else can just hold their instrument or use a consistent, reliable neck strap. Meanwhile, we spend half of rehearsal praying we can adjust our seat strap without looking like Princess Mia before Julia Andrews stepped in to save the day.
5. Store bought reeds.
Not only are they generally low-quality, but they're so expensive. We may love our bassoons, but we don't love the way our wallets feel after a trip to the music store for some crappy new reeds.
6. But also, making reeds.
It takes forever, so by the time you feel like you should be done, you've really only just started, and you realize your life can be more accurately related to SpongeBob writing an essay than ever before.
7. When our one good reed dies right before a concert.
It's horrible, and it's inevitable. We might as well just accept it.
8. Actually, just reeds in general.
They are the bane of our existence, but we need them to function so we put up with them, anyway.
9. The look of confusion we get when we tell people we play the bassoon.
We get it, we're a rare and fabulous breed, but seriously, every major orchestra in the world has at least one bassoon, so please, do us a favor and know we exist.
10. Being confused with an oboe.
There is a difference! There is a very big difference! We are not oboes, and oboes are not bassoons!
11. Nobody else will ever understand the love we have for our crazy instrument.
Because at the end of the day, bassoon is love. Bassoon is life.
