Friendships during college come in various forms: the classmate friends, the “we’re friends with the same people” friends, the hometown friends that have grown apart, the frenemies and the ever so elusive true friends.

Having good friends starts with being a good friend. How do you expect someone to stay up until 3 a.m. listening to you talk yourself in circles about your loser ex-boyfriend, all whilst grilling you a cheese quesadilla and assuring you that you do not sound crazy if you only call him/her when you absolutely need something? It is completely unrealistic to picture a true friendship that is entirely one-sided. Thus, instead of complaining to the general public via your Twitter account about how “There’s no such thing as true friends anymore” … get up, go out and be the friend that you would want to be BFFs with. As much as you like to tell yourself that you LOVE alone-time, friends are some very valuable people. To me, anyone who willingly chooses to be a part of my life and spend their minimal free time with me is pretty praise-worthy.

Step One: Honestly determine what you need/want in a friendship

Almost everyone has different social needs based upon their unique personality. Some people want a tight-knit group of “best friends,” while others desire a few close friends and ten acquaintance-friends to go out with on the weekends. Others desire constant affection and choose to have 42 really close friends. All of these scenarios are realistic social needs, but it is up to everyone individually to assess what they want and need. It is okay to say, “I need a friend who I can call at any hour and they will be there to talk,” or maybe you want to be that reliable friend to someone else. Either way, identifying your friendship wants and needs is the fundamental first step to a healthy social life. Just like any other type of search, it is impossible to find something unless you know what it is you're looking for.

Step Two: Seek out new friendships

I hope (know) I am not the only girl out there that watches Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” music video and envisions my own ultimate girl squad taking on the world (our local house party) together. We have already established that having a great group of friends begins with the decision that they are what you want and need. Now, how do you find these mystical, amazing friends? In high school, you may have been forced into many friendships based upon location, circumstance and somewhat common interests. In college, you begin to find your true self and have a seemingly endless pool of people from whom you have the privilege of picking the friends who best suit you. That being said, sometimes this takes some effort. First, go to places where the type of people you want to be friends with would spend time. Then put yourself out there and talk to a complete stranger. I have found that some of my best friendships have evolved from a single encounter where one of us went out of our way to speak to the other. Thus, I dare you to be bold, initiate meaningful conversation with intriguing individuals, and if the feeling is right, ask someone out on a friend-date. Yes, I said friend-date. This is where you and your super cool new acquaintance can talk and bond and hopefully become friends.

Step Three: Be a fun-thing initiator

This step can begin when you go on the aforementioned “friend-date.” I hear too many people complain about how there is “literally nothing” to do and how everything in their life is so boring. If this is the case for you, then take a step in the opposite direction and plan fun activities for you and your friends. Not only will your life be more interesting, but your friend’s lives will be as well. This way, you are being a better friend for making your friends happy and you get to have a good time as well. Sounds like a win-win to me!

Step Four: Pay attention to your friendships like you would a romantic relationship

Friends come in all sizes, shapes, ages and personality types. It is important to monitor the status of your friendships in the same way you would analyze your relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have a friend who makes a big deal out of your birthday every year, maybe you should consider planning something special on his or her birthday. This can apply to almost any situation. Many questions that run through your head during a romantic relationship are also applicable to your friendships. Use your intuition and ask the questions that need to be asked to solve any issues that arise in your friendship. Is this friendship giving us both what we need? Are we good influences on each other? Is one friend using the other? These are some important questions to consider in any friendship.

Step Five: Keep your friends’ secrets

Self explanatory.

Step 6: Tell the ones you love that you love them (and why!)

This is my favorite step. I have never met someone who dislikes being loved. Vocalizing how much you admire someone, or what you love about them, is a must. In many instances, you may point out something they cannot see in themselves, and that will mean so much more to them than an empty compliment about their dress or shoes. For instance, my friend Sam is the single most caring and capable person I know. Everyday I try and tell her how much she means to me because she deserves to know how loved she is and how much I appreciate her presence in my life. Everyone wants to be acknowledged. There is no reason to withhold your love from those worthy of it!

Step 7: Do not take your own insecurities out on your friends

If you are self-conscious about your abdominal region, do not try and make your friend with rocking abs feel poorly about one of her traits. I have had these friends. When they see you happy with yourself, they feel the need to take out their own unhappiness with themselves on you. Simply put, do not be that friend.

Step 8: Be honest with your friends

If your friend is headed down the wrong path, be caring enough to tell them (in a respectful way) that you are worried for their wellbeing and want to help them get on the right track. Different friends will react differently to this, but do as much as you can to help a friend in need. Who knows, one day they may need to return the favor and, on that day, you will be thankful you were painfully honest with them.

Step 9: Do not be afraid to end a friendship if necessary

Sometimes we find ourselves in friendships and relationships, alike, that are completely toxic and make us a version of ourselves that we hate. It will be hard, but cutting negative energy and toxicity out of your life is necessary at a certain point. It is important to be there for your friends, but if it is hurting you in the process, then something has to change.

Step 10: The Golden Rule

“Treat others the way you want to be treated.” This rule has been engrained in my brain from the day I was born and ultimately encompasses how to handle any human interaction in life. As I stated in the beginning, be the friend you want to have. Be fun, supportive, loving and independent. There are so many more things that go into friendship than these 10 steps, but if you choose to live and maintain the standard of the Golden Rule, friendship will come naturally.