Picture this: it is Thanksgiving Day and your grandma is a little tipsy off of a couple of scotches. The family is gathered in its entirety around the table to eat the food your mother slaved over. Or in my case, the mashed potatoes that came straight from a microwaveable container that was purchased at Safeway for 7.99 plus tax. Everything seems just peachy until dessert, when your now inebriated grandma exclaims, “So, honey, do you have a boyfriend yet?”
This is the part where you drop your fork and start chugging your drink. News flash grandma: not all of us are blessed with the ability to woo the average frat star. Us college girls like to think we will find “the one” one day, but the chances of us finding him at Sigma Pi’s holiday party is highly unlikely. (No offense Ross, you were a great date sophomore year!) You sheepishly turn to your grandma and say “No Mary, not yet.”
There are many benefits to being single in college, but there are times when you wish you had that special someone to curl up with on a rainy day and binge watch “Stranger Things." Sorry, I watch a lot of television. Actually, I’m not sorry. Point is, when you are a single girl in college you often find yourself pondering the following things with hopes of *eventually* finding your real life Prince Charming.
10. You’re always optimistic “the one” is right around the corner. You firmly believe your soulmate is somewhere in the library, the long line at Starbucks, the gym or in that rudimentary 100 level class that you pushed off till senior year cause you "really just hate math.” A girl can dream, right?
9. You find yourself often talking about your best friend the way other girls talk about their boyfriends. People start to question if you two are more than friends…especially after you guys spent Valentine’s Day together last year because HELLO no one wants to be alone on the worst holiday of the year.
8. “It’s a shame I don’t like cats.” Times are tough when your 50 year old single mother pulls more than you do. There is so much pressure to find a significant other that you feel you are running out of time. You fear that your hiatus from dating will turn permanent.
7. "I really just want someone to buy me food.” Screw flowers, buy me a burger and pack of Blue Moon if you really want to impress me. Although, flowers would be nice. A boyfriend would be nice. A TEXT BACK WOULD BE NICE.
6. You forget what it feels like to cuddle with someone other than your body pillow. Don’t lie, you know you have one.
5. Tinder is definitely still on your phone, you know, just in case you need a confidence booster.
4. “I don’t think about being single, all I’m thinking about is how Frosties are 50 cents right now.” Guys are substituted with food. Getting laid still happens, but only when you feel ambitious enough to go out to the bars in a body suit and a skirt that looks small enough to fit your vintage American Girl doll.
3. No boyfriend=No reason to shave my legs. Leg hair out for Harambe.
2. No one is here to judge me for eating a tub of ice cream and drinking a bottle of wine alone in one sitting. Not that I would care if anyone judged me, this is totally something Meredith Grey would do. I should know, I just watched an entire season of Grey’s last night while my roommates were with their boyfriends.
1. After seeing all your friends in relationships, you realize now is the time to be selfish and independent. You’re young, you’re happy, you ain’t need no man other than the pizza man! At the end of the day, you have too much on your plate to have time for a boyfriend. Timing is everything, and it is important to love yourself before you can love someone else.
