Loosing someone is never easy, but did you ever think you could actually learn from it? Here are 10 things you learn...
1. You stop crying over spilled milk.
I never cried over spilling milk even though my mom would yell at me because I never properly cleaned it up, but this simply means you do not sweat the little things anymore because they are exactly that… little. At the end of the day, the class you were late for, the person who cut you off driving, the girl who was talking about you in class, the coffee you spilled on you means nothing. It is not a bad life because of this just a bad day and we all have those.
2. You appreciate your time with others more.
You never truly know what tomorrow will bring or the following hour for that matter. You eventually take in every second you have with the ones you love and appreciate what time you have together. If you do not have time to spend with your loved ones, make time. The memories you create with them will last a lifetime after they are gone and you will want them when you need them.
3.Every day is a gift and it is a beautiful one.
You get to wake up every day and experience life and all its beauties, enjoy it and be mindful of all that is around you. Make the best of your days because you were given this day to do something extraordinary, do it for yourself, do it for the ones you love, and for those who didn’t get the gift of waking up today.
4.Life moves on even though you may not be ready to.
When you lose the one you love you can’t imagine life going on without them but it does. This doesn’t mean you have to move on with the rest of the world it just means when you ready to hop back in, the world will be ready for you but it is at your own pace.
5. You never get to be who you were before and that’s okay.
You are dramatically changed after the death of a loved one and that is okay because everything we go through in life is to teach us a lesson and help us grow as a human being. Even the tragedy of a death of a loved one is a learning process. You will be a different person but you will be a person who has grown in strength and wisdom.
6. Everyone grieves differently.
This may be one of the hardest ideas to comprehend. When you lose someone like a friend who was close with a huge group of people, each person will grieve differently and in their own way. Death is a tricky matter because everyone wants everyone to grieve their way or they are known to be wrong… they are not wrong. Grieving is a unique process that is formed differently in each person. Some ways of grieving may upset others and make them angry but just understand they are trying to cope with their own loss and eventually the grieving will subside.
7.The stages of grief are real but they do not magically go in order.
When I lost my loved one I read about the stages of grieving and didn’t believe they were real and that I could go through them. Looking back at my year or so without my loved one I can see that I have
been through every stage. There is no time period for each stage of grieving or check list, they just happen and you can fluctuate between a few stages at once.
8.You become part of the club.
No, this is not the art club or newspaper club in school. You do not have weekly meetings with activities and refreshments. This is the club where you sadly know what it feels like to lose a loved one. You may be a part of the cancer club, addiction club, accident club, suicide club, loss of a parent club, loss of a child club etc. The list goes on, but just know this club opens up doors for you. This club allows you to connect with people who have been what you have been through.
9.You do find your happiness again.
Right now it feels like the end of the world, you think about your loved one every second of every day, cry yourself to sleep every night and just feel as if there is no one to this sadness and hurt. This takes time. You don’t find your happiness overnight and you may not even realize that you found your happiness but eventually the tears will stop, the hurt will subside, and you will be able to talk about your loved one once again. You will be able to wake up in the mornings genuinely happy to be alive and appreciate every single aspect of your travels. You still think about your loved one often but no longer with angry and frustration but with memories and love. Don’t get me wrong, you may still have those days where it is just too hard to get out of bed or too hard to go to that place that reminds you of them and that is okay! Death is hard, no one expects you to be happy right away or all the time, but trust me you will find your happiness one day.
10. Life is too short to live with hate in your heart.
I can honestly say before I lost my loved one I could hold a grudge or stay mad at someone for a long time. I always had angry and hatred in my heart and I learned that only affects you. You deserve to be happy every day, you learn that life is just too short and anything can happen, so why live life with hurt and hatred in your heart? Life is better when you are happy and free.
Take what you have learned from your experience and use it to make yourself a better person and the world a better place because eventually everything will be ok.
