If you are a woman blessed with endometriosis, then you're pretty much aware that it really sucks. The thing is, people who don't have endometriosis or a chronic pain disease don't always understand that. Let's all hope they never have to understand, either. People are going to try to understand what exactly endometriosis is, but they won't always say the smartest things when speaking to someone who is afflicted. It's OK; most of us know not to hold what you say against you.
1. Does it actually hurt?
No, it's just called a chronic pain disease for no good reason. Yes, it hurts. Even though it's a thoughtful question, it's one you don't really have to ask someone with endo or any other CPD.
2. Can't you just take a couple Midol and get over it?
If only things were that simple. No, Midol is not going to make someone with endo "get over it." Endo is not your typical period pain, and usually it demands a pretty hefty dose of prescription medication to soothe.
3. What does it feel like?
Innocent question, but one most people with endometriosis would choose not to answer. It's not because we don't want to, but more like we just can't. I mean, even if we described it as specifically as a hot poker being stabbed into your abdomen, not very many people actually know what that feels like. The most accurate description of CPD pain I have come across has been the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. If you haven't heard of that, I recommend looking it up.
4. Didn't you have the same exact problem the other day?
Yeah, and the day before that and, you know, for a couple of years before that, too. Chronic means "constantly recurring." As much as we would like for it to go away, it's not going anywhere.
5. Why are you cracking jokes about your own disease?
The best cure for pain is ignorance or at least fake ignorance. Believe me, we know that we're in pain. But about the time we show that we are in pain, we're bombarded with sympathy and a bunch of dumb questions. Plus, this kind of thing is totally normal for us. If we can't joke about it, what else are we supposed to do? Act like we care?
6. Are you sure it's not just a mental thing?
If only I had a dollar for every time I heard this one. I'm pretty sure that my chronic pain disease is not in my head. Just because you don't know what it is does not mean that it does not exist. Not knowing about a disease that affects one in 10 women and instead questioning its existence is the problem.
7. If you're feeling bad tonight, can we make plans to go out later this week?
Again, innocent question. However, anyone with a chronic pain disease can attest to this: we don't know how we are going to feel one day to the next. Our bodies are not like a normal person's, where you can wake up and do whatever time permits you to do. We could feel fine or we could feel like just curling up in bed and not moving for 12 hours.
8. You don't look like you're in pain to me.
OK, let me just curl up on the floor and moan in front of you. This is perhaps the most frustrating thing for a woman with endometriosis to hear. What is pain supposed to look like, exactly? Just because you can't see it on a person's face doesn't mean they're not feeling it inside their body.
9. You literally just said you were fine five minutes ago.
That's great and all, but that was also five minutes ago. When you have endometriosis, or any CPD for that matter, there's not a timer for when pain comes and goes. It just happens. Most of the time, it's extremely inconvenient, but we can't exactly do anything about it. Unless, of course, you master time travel so we could go back to five minutes ago.
10. I wish I knew what it felt like.
No offense, but you actually don't. Chronic pain disease victims amount to over 100 million in America alone. You don't want to feel what these people have to feel because they would give anything to feel the way you do.
