“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

1. 6 a.m. isn't a proper bedtime

My cat has a daily schedule and it concludes at promptly six in the morning. As soon as the sun begins to rise, she will try and curl up with me in bed after a full night of running around my room. She then gets angry because I have to get up and leave at seven in the morning as if I'm the one ruining her sleep schedule.

2. 15 pieces of food left in your bowl does NOT mean it is empty.

For whatever reason, my cat will act like her food bowl is empty when there are about 15 to 20 pieces still in the bowl. She will meow at me like I'm starving her until I fill it to the brim with more food.

3. Stop getting cat food in your water bowl, please.

How does that even happen? Your water bowl is a good distance away from the food bowl?

4. Water can be nice sometimes.

The shower won't hurt you. Neither will the sink. But you don't seem to understand that.

5. Stop bolting for the front door every time it opens.

There's nothing good waiting for you out there. I wish I could stay inside all day sometimes.

6. My hair is not food OR a chew toy.

This speaks for itself, and yet I still find you chewing on the strands of my hair when I lay down to take a nap.

7. Your tail is attached to you, don't bite it.

You learn your lesson each time you chase your tail but I wish I could remind you.

8. Stop trying to eat human food, it will only make your litter box stink more.

And it already stinks even though I scoop it every day.

9. The keyboard is not a good place for naps.

I have to do things on there!

10. Even though you sometimes make no sense to me, I wouldn't have my life any other way.

You're mine, and I love you.