We've all been there. Multi-colored braces, trying to do your own eyebrows at the age of 9 with a razor (maybe that was just me), getting your sixth grade BFF to break up with your boyfriend of three days for you, plastering your binder with myspace pictures of your new middle school man, and going through a weird phase where you dressed in Abercrombie one day and then Zumiez the next. (Once again, maybe just me, but I can hope that I wasn't alone.)
In the moment, we thought, 'Yeah, this is such a good idea!' Turns out while you reflect back on some of those "bright ideas" and stumble across horrifying pictures, that idea kind of finished in last place.
1. I'm bored, so naturally I'm going to go stalk his social media to pass the time.
Sure, sometimes we're just curious. A little peek at what your old flame is doing won't hurt you. In fact, it won't even phase you. You tell yourself "I DON'T NEED THEM" while you put Drake on full blast, stick your hand in a big bag of chocolate, and find yourself questioning who every girl they retweet is. Don't freakin' do it. Do not let yourself type "he who must not be named" into your search bar. HARDPASS this one.
2. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 6 a.m. and hit the gym.
You're already setting yourself up for defeat if you think this at 2 a.m. (I know from experience). Waking up in four hours won't hurt you because it will actually kill you. Aka, you will now sleep until 1 p.m. because some obnoxious alarm rang in your ear well before you even would think about waking up for class. Don't worry, you'll make it there tonight, right?
3. I can go a week barely eating because I really want to buy these shoes.
Here's the thing, when you're making plain pasta noodles for dinner the third day in a row, you'll probably be sobbing over the stove. Also, while eating the most bland thing in the world you may or may not throw those new pair of shoes across the room or envision setting them on fire. Food keeps you from being cranky, don't kid yourself when picking between the two.
4. One more drink won't hurt.
You know it'll put you past a limit of good judgement, but you do it anyway because it's T-Shirt Tuesday. This limit topper may make you super emotional or may make you unrealistically angry for no reason. Which ever emotion blesses you that Tuesday, both lead to you texting an ex or that one boy you've always had an embarrassingly big secret crush on. You will wake up with a headache from the night before and could suffer extra head pain from smashing your it into the closest wall when you finally pluck up the courage to read your inbox. Spoiler alert: You will cringe at everything and you will want to cut your hands off to ensure this doesn't happen again.
5. That paper you have for that one class isn't even due until Friday, so you have plenty of time to do so much fun stuff before having to think about it.
Ah, West Campus Library. We meet again for an all-nighter because Thursday night came super fast while you were doing all those things except writing your paper.
6. Speaking of having to pull an all-nighter tonight, I'm going to reward myself with a break from this paper because I have to be here all night and it would be terrible if I burnt myself out.
Two hours later, one paragraph has been written and two new outfits have been purchased online. Yup, you probably guessed it, you can't eat for the next week again. Get creative with all that pasta you somehow always have in your pantry.
7. YES, this book I have to read is on SparkNotes!
It's test day, I got this because I read about the plot online right before class. 10 minutes later and you still definitely don't know how the main character fell out with her parents. Seriously?! You think SparkNotes would have mentioned this pivotal part of the book somewhere. You should probably send them a written complaint for not warning you.
8. I need all the shirts from the new PR. ALL OF THEM!
How many shirts can you shove into a drawer until it breaks? I play this game a lot.
9. I'm at the grocery store and I finally have money. I'm buying everything I've ever wanted.
Such a solid idea until you remember that you don't live on the first floor of your apartment complex and your arms are about to detach from your shoulder sockets because you refuse to go back down for a second trip, so you casually struggle with FOUR VERY HEAVY bags on each arm. Was it really necessary to buy orange juice, lemonade, and washing detergent all in one trip?!
10. I can totally live off of never eating bread. That's so easy.
You decided to get all the things in the world except bread because you read somewhere online that you don't need bread. It's been two weeks since you've been to the grocery store and without bread. Nothing can stop your streak. Until you walk into Olive Garden and the waiter sets down a basket of fresh, mouth watering, god sent breadsticks. Two personal baskets later and suddenly bread has become a staple in your diet again. That's right, I may not need bread but I WANT it.
