1. "Can I speak to the manager?"
Listen, Carol, I'm sorry that your EXPIRED coupon is not valid to use on this purchase, but there's nothing the manager can do to remedy the situation. Maybe next time take your bedazzled reading glasses off the top of your head and read the fine print?
2. Tantrum-prone children
Look, I get it. Being a parent is hard, and it's a challenging feat to keep your kids under control 100% of the time. But when your kid starts pounding their fists on the floor and screaming bloody murder because you won't get them an Auntie Anne's pretzel to satisfy their craving for immediate gratification, it's probably- no, definitely- time to remove them from the store.
3. "Can I return this product AFTER the return period and WITHOUT the receipt?"
No. No, you cannot.
4. "Are you out of ___? Can you just check in the back to see if there are any left?"
Let me assure you, we're out. I know this because I've made the fruitless trek back there 12 other times today for customers who wanted the same item as you, and I had to tell them all the same thing. But sure, I'll do it again just to make you happy.
5. "Are you open yet? I know what I need to buy/return/exchange so I'll be quick, I'm in a hurry!"
Tough luck, pal. If the gate's not open, we're not open. The register isn't even booted up yet anyway.
6. Customers who respond with "just looking, thanks" when you ask how they are
Way to be rude, dude. Literally all I did was greet you. Guess I'll just go screw myself then.
7. Customers who tell you they're "just looking" and then approach you a few minutes later about a specific product that they came into the store solely to find
You could have been in and out of here in, like, 30 seconds if you had just asked for help or direction to find what you're looking for. Then there would be no need to complain about how long it took to find.
8. People who don't clean up after themselves
Whether it's not putting a shirt back on the rack after they drop it or spilling samples everywhere and not wiping it up... People. Are. Animals.
9. "Well, if there's no price tag then it must be free."
As I pretend to laugh at your godawful joke that was partially for laughs but also partially an attempt to get free stuff, I'm making a mental note to add another dash to the tally system we've got going for every other time we've heard that phrase uttered. We're up to what, now, 632?
10. People who come into the store five minutes before close and stay until 10 minutes after closing time
You know DAMN WELL this store is about to close. Please take a step back when you get home and take a long look at yourself in the mirror. See the words "entitled" and "inconsiderate" written across your forehead? Cause I sure do. You should change that.
