In my four years of living with celiac disease I have mainly been asked what happens if I consume gluten and my answer is the same every time. I basically get the worst form of the flu that you have probably ever had. I live in my bathroom for one to seven days depending on the amount consumed. Gluten kills the finger-like things in my small intestines, which makes it so that I can not get the proper nutrients from food. That's the simplest explanation I have. This leads to more questions that I've heard multiple times before. I answer politely but this is what I am really thinking when people ask me these questions.
1. Can’t you just have a bite of pizza?
No, I can’t. I would have to live in the bathroom for three days straight. And be in agonizing pain the whole time plus for days after.
2. What if you just licked a cracker?
I would still ingest the gluten in the cracker. So I would be stuck in the bathroom for at least a day. Plus, the pain again.
3. What would happen if you kissed someone who just ate a sandwich?
I don’t know, I don’t look at someone eating a sandwich and think, "Damn I need to kiss this person right after they finish their sandwich.
4. I would hate to not be able to eat_____!
It’s not that I cannot eat it, it’s just made with something different. It might taste different but the concept is the same.
5. What if I put bread in your mouth while you sleep?
Okay, so the only person who has said this to me is my sister. However, if someone were to actually do this to me, I would be very sick for a few days and then I’d stop interacting with that person.
6. Haven't you slipped up and eaten something with gluten in it at least once?
At first, yes I did but since eating gluten free makes me feel better I try my hardest to stick to the diet.
7. This delicious ___ I’m eating is disgusting. You wouldn’t like it.
Uh, okay, but you continuing to eat it tells me different. If I ask you how something is don’t tell me it tastes horrible just to make me feel better for not being able to eat it. It doesn’t make me feel better. Just be honest with me.
8. Doesn’t your food taste like cardboard?
Some of it does have the consistency of cardboard and is very bland. I’ve had celiac disease for so long that I have found food that is pretty great. Throughout the years the food has gotten better with a wider selection.
9. Are you sure you’re not just intolerant?
No, I’m not just intolerant. I’ve been to a specialist, I’ve had the test done, and I have celiac disease.
10. I’ve heard the gluten-free diet is good for you.
The diet is not good for you unless you are actually allergic or intolerant to gluten. Yes, avoiding some carbs is probably healthy for you, but most people need the carbs. Please do not eat gluten-free unless you have to.
