Just because Auburn lost to Texas A&M and their race to the national title is over doesn’t mean every Auburn fan from Montgomery to Timbuktu doesn’t want to stick it to Alabama. Alabama and Nick Saban will be out for revenge, but this game is never taken lightly. The whole state literally shuts down just to watch these two teams face off. All we want for Christmas is to see the Tide cry tears of orange and blue.
2. This Sweater Vest
Thanks to Coach Malzahn sweater vests have become the latest trend on Auburn’s campus on gamedays. This vest brings the best of Auburn and a tacky Christmas sweater into every Auburn fan’s dream vest. It has a certain pizazz that will be sure to attract every ESPN and CBS camera in the stadium. Order yours here.
3. A Custom Auburn Jersey
Is your favorite Auburn player someone other than Bo Jackson, Cam Newton, Nick Marshall or Tre Mason? I’m not sure how you could love any Auburn player more than Bo Jackson, but chances are you do and can’t find their number anywhere. Tiger Rags on Gay Street makes custom jerseys, so you can pick any number you want and they will print it for you. It will put a nice dent in your checking account, so it’s the perfect gift to ask for Christmas.
4. The 2013 Iron Bowl On DVD
Seriously, why is this not a thing yet? I’ve scoured the Internet for almost a year now in search of one of the greatest game’s in Auburn’s history, and I’ve yet to find it. Frankly, the whole 2013 Auburn football season needs to come in a big package so we can continue to bask in its glory. Hopefully Santa can come through and throw this in all of our stockings.
5. This Tacky Auburn Sweater
The next best thing to a tacky Auburn sweater vest? A tacky Auburn sweater. Complete with orange and blue agile, Christmas trees and snowflakes, your mom might even let you open this one early so you can wear it to church on Christmas Eve. Better yet, order one for every member of your family and wear them for your Christmas card picture. Your Aunt Betty will love that one. Order them here.
6. Bo Jackson
If Bo Jackson showed up under my Christmas tree, one, I would probably pass out, two, my dog would be really confused as to why this man has the same name as him, and three, my Christmas would resemble something like "Christmas Vacation." I may be the craziest you-know-what on this side of the nuthouse, but the Bo Jackson obsession is real. I would probably settle for a chance just to meet him. C’mon, Santa.
7. An Auburn Suzy Kuzy
Suzy Kuzy’s are new to the college football tailgating market, but they’re pretty ingenious. They combine a mitten and a koozie into one unique package, keeping your fingers warm and your beer cold. Here’s the link to send to your mom.
8. A 4.0
This one is a long shot, unless you’re some kind of super genius. I’ve never understood people who made 4.0’s. What classes do you take? Can I be in them? Will you tutor me? Have you heard of Netflix? Have you ever been to Sky Bar? Quixotes? They’re a rare breed, and kudos to them for always making their parents proud and reminding my parents that it actually is possible.
9. An Auburn Bubba Keg
These things flood the beaches on Spring Break, but taking one to a tailgate will keep the grass and weird little bugs out of your drink. You can buy them at Walmart. However, their color selection is limited, and you would have to go inside the building. Instead, order yours here.
10. A Time Machine
I’m still bitter about the Texas A&M game, and I would like to request a do-over. But while we’re in the DeLorean, I would like to take every ridiculous person who was crying after that game to the 2012 season when we lost to Texas A&M 63-21. It was freezing cold, and we had won one game that season. That was a true state of misery, but we still went to the pledge party afterwards. Suck it up, and realize that it’s just a game. There’s always next year.