I know this has been an insane, surreal, "I feel like I'm in a post-apocalyptic YA novel" week for everyone, so I thought I'd write something silly to (perhaps) bring everyone's spirits up a little bit. Humanity is a wondrous thing, and we will get through this, but meanwhile, please enjoy this fun article about the life of an English major.

1. I really wanted to have a practical major.


Because words are totally impractical - I don't know a single person who uses them.

2. It must be so nice having a light course load.


Light? Would you like to carry around my backpack? I didn't think so.

3. So do you just sit in coffee shops all day reading and smoking cigarettes?


No. I'm an English Major, not a film noir character.

4. Oh so you like creative writing? Sometimes I write for fun too!


Yes, because diving into the deep end of the human condition is just a walk in the park.

5. It must be so nice to just write an essay. I was up all night working on calculus problems.


It must be so nice to be majoring in a field where you have right answers.

6. I really need a break - I can't wait for my humanities requirement!


Oh yeah! I'd recommend Gender Fluidity and Androgyny in the Fiction of Virginia Woolf. Easy A.

7. Could you edit my [insert essay, letter to my aunt, email to my professor here]?


You're in college, shouldn't you have the skills to do that?

8. Your degree isn't as important as one in the sciences.


Why? Because I chose to study humanity's deep mental ocean instead of veins and arteries?

9. I really hate English.


And I really hate math. But I'm not going to be rude enough to say it to your face.

And of course, my personal favorite:

10. Oh, so you're going to marry rich?


Excuse me? So you think that just because I'm a woman who chose not to major in science, all I plan to do with my life is get married and be a trophy wife? I don't think so.