Being a lifeguard is both the best and the worst job. You get paid to watch swimmers in a pool while getting a golden tan. But no one ever talks about the horribly disgusting maintenance is, bratty kids and how people you never even knew become your best friends.
1. Enforcing the most basic rules become second nature.
*Blows whistle* "Don't splash each other!" "WALK!" These and other phrases become second nature to you pretty easily. After working as a lifeguard for long enough, you carry on the responsibilities even when you're not working, finding yourself yelling, "WALK" at a running child even when you're not at a pool. One time I even yelled "WALK" at a kid in my hometown shopping mall.
2. You're an unofficial babysitter.
I'm getting paid to watch the pool and keep the surrounding areas safe and under control. It's not my job to babysit your obnoxious 9-year-old who doesn't want to listen to anyone anyway. Honestly, I wouldn't want to babysit them either. Unless you're paying.
3. Worshiping thunderstorms.
Even on a slightly cloudy day, you fine yourself checking the weather channel app on your phone every chance you get. When the storms finally do come there is a sigh of relief, and its the best feeling in the world when the pools closes and you get off early.
4. Getting the best tan of your life.
Working for 4+ hours a day during the sunniest season. you get the best tan, that money could never buy. The only thing that is bad about it, is the tan lines.
5. Lifeguarding is the best birth control around.
With kids screaming devil children all around, it only makes you think how you don't want any children. at all. none. zero.
6. Seeing every type of tattoo possible.
I have personally seen everything from your classic "MOM" heart tattoo, to actual pornographic images on someones entire back. Oh, and let us not forget the trending basic white girl tattoo that says "I refuse to sink" with an anchor next to it. What to anchors do? sink. And I could not tell you have many infinity signs I have seen.
7. Your summer family.
My fellow guards turn into my closest friends and family during the summer, after all I see them the most.
8. Ellis Visits
The dreaded Ellis surprise visits. Talk about anxiety. Jeff Ellis & Associates come once a month unannounced, to videotape your scanning, your response times, and your technique. Nothing is more stressful.
9. You always smell like chlorine and sunscreen.
No matter how much you shower, you can not get the smell out of your hair or off your skin.
10. Its bittersweet when the park closes for the season.
You are happy the park is closed, because you finally get a break from it all, but in about a month your are going to wish you back in that chair, Screaming at children, and acting like the shit with a whistle.
