Borderline Personality Disorder? You are probably thinking to yourself, what in the world is that? Well, that's what I am here to explain. You see Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD, is a mental illness. This mental illness makes it hard for its sufferers to maintain a stable mood, behavior or relationship. BPD is diagnosed through psychological testing that takes awhile to be diagnosed. Now, I know it sounds a lot like bipolar disorder but trust me... It is much, much more than that. Let me explain to you ten important things that Borderline patients wished you knew.
1. We Don't Expect You to Understand
As a BPD patient, I know for a fact that we don't expect you to understand. Fact is, sometimes we don't even understand ourselves. We don't expect you to get why we act out or the the words that come out of mouths in the middle of an episode. We understand that sometimes you may get flustered trying to deal with the situation when we have an episode. Just know that we hope one day you will see we don't mean to do or say the things we do.
2. We Are Not Bad People
Yes, sometimes we may say hurtful things but no we are not bad people. You see, BPD causes its patients to have altered thinking patterns. Our brains do not process everyday problems the same way most people would. Sometimes we may seem manipulative, destructive, or even dangerous. No, I am not using BPD as an excuse for this bad behavior. I simply want others to understand that it is the disorder that may cause us to act the way we do and that we are not bad people.
3. Our Self-Esteem Isn't High
On a daily basis we Borderline patients beat ourselves up mentally. I could not tell you how many times a day I look in the mirror and begin to call myself names. Fat, ugly, annoying, our self esteem is low. We constantly feel like we are never good enough or look good enough. Please understand that even though you compliment us, our brains don't work like yours and we may not believe you. We continuously feel like we are being lied to about our looks and personality. No, we do not feel like this everyday but most of the time we do. Just please bare with us.
4. We Have A Fear of Abandonment
We Borderline patients constantly feel like we are being left behind. We feel as if our fits and "temper tantrums" will cause everyone to leave us. It may feel as if we are suffocating you at some points. Us Borderlines try to show affection as well as we can. If you go days without speaking to us we may seem bitter, distant, or even depressed because we feel as if you left forever. In our minds no one will every stick around.
5. We Need Reassurance
It may become annoying to you but we do need reassurance... daily. We need reassurance that we are important, that we do have a purpose and on much, much more. In our minds we are always wrong and/or everything is going wrong. We need to be reassured that we are loved. As stated before we feel constantly abandoned. We just want to know that we are loved and that our lives are not a total mess.
6. We Are Not Just "Being Dramatic"
Yes, we may seem like we are the kings and queens of being dramatic. It's not that at all. In our minds something that maybe small to you is actually huge to us. We may cry over things that do not necessarily need to be cried over. We may pick fights over things others do not deem as worthy enough to fight over. No, I am not trying to blame our behavior on our disorder. We just want other to understand that our dramatic moments are because the situations are different in our eyes then yours. Remember, our brains are different.
7. Sometimes We Have to Remove Ourselves
Borderline Personality Disorder causes its suffers moods to change quickly. One second we maybe happy but one small thing is like a flip of a switch and we are no longer happy. Depending on what happened we may become sad and cry or get angry and violent. The best thing for a Borderline to do in these situations is to walk away. Ye, I know most adults talk out their feelings and problems but the best thing for a borderline is alone time. We need to physically and psychologically dislocate ourselves from what ever upset us.
8. Relationships Are Not Always Easy
To "normal" people relationships normally come easy. They can go out to dinner, snuggle, laugh, well do normal couple things together. For a BPD patient it is not always that easy. What maybe a normally movie night for some can turn into a melt down for a borderline. We may get to thinking about something that is happening in the movie as a real life event and it trigger and episode. We are overly sensitive and well sometimes emotionally unstable which maybe hard to deal with. Sometimes we may say that we hate the ones we actually love to death. Don't give up on a BPD patient. Hold them close because deep down they are really big lovers.
9. Please Be Patient
We know we can be hard to deal with, understand, and love. We get that we start arguments and do not make sense sometimes. However, we really need you to be patient. When we begin to lose our cool hug us, hold us, or just talk to us. Get to know why we feel the way we do and try to calm us. No, it will not always work but like I said, try and be patient.
10. We Are Not Looking For Attention
The way we act is not for attention. We have a real condition that actually exists. We do not throw fits and cry because we want you to feel sorry for us. We do it because in our minds everything is worse than what it actually is. We do not want people to feel sorry for us. We want people to actually sit around and give us a chance to show who we really are and what we are really capable of.
Loving a Borderline patient is not a difficult thing to do. We really have some of the biggest hearts you will ever see. Understanding BPD is a hard thing to do and we do not expect anyone to "get it". It's hard to get something that you are not going through. However, please look deep down and take the time to stick around on this roller coaster us BPD patients call life.
