We’ve all been there. You sit down at the computer and just stare at the blinking cursor for hours. No matter what age you are, it plagues us all eventually. That mental wall in your mind that prevents you from accessing any of your many good ideas. Writer’s block is a force to be reckoned with, and there is no escaping the wake of nonexistence it manages to leave in your usually very functional brain. Here are the 10 stages of the nasty fog that covers your mind when you are on the verge of crafting a beautiful sentence and turns your thoughts into clouds without a silver lining.
Stage 1: Emptiness
I’ve got nothing. I am pretty sure the space where my brain is supposed to be is filled with cobwebs. If you looked in one of my ears you could see straight through to the other side. There is absolutely nothing there. I want to say something meaningful and original and relevant to the world, but right now I can’t even manage to come up with a title. [Insert Good Idea Here]
Stage 2: Flash of inspiration that leads to...nothing
I’ve got it! I’m a genius! I’m brilliant! I…still have nothing to say! That was a cruel trick. Now I’m back to square one.
Stage 3: Distraction
Ok I’m going to write this paper for real now! Let me just get on google scholar to find some articles…Oh look I have a new notification on Facebook.
Stage 4: More emptiness
………………...
Stage 5: Avoidance
I could try to write this paper OR I could clean. I need to do about 3 loads of laundry, all the dishes from this week, take out the trash, sort the recycling, and vacuum. Or I could just sit down and write. Ok, cleaning it is!
Stage 6: Attempting to write anyway
This is the poem I am going to analyze. It is important because it has alliteration and metaphors. These add to the meaning because the poet put them there on purpose. The End.
Stage 7: Failure
That was rubbish. That was worse than rubbish. That was…*looks at synonyms for rubbish*… garbage, refuse, bunkum, codswallop, hogwash… How could I sink so low?
Stage 8: Lowering your expectations
Ok. Maybe I don’t need to be meaningful. Or original. You know what? It doesn’t even have to be relevant. I just need a topic. That’s manageable, right? I can do that.
Stage 9: Desperation
Please, please let me find a topic. Please. Please. Please.
Stage 10: The light bulb moment
Oh my goodness, I’ve got it! It's genius! Why didn’t I think of this before? It may not be meaningful or relevant but by golly I can write about it and that’s really all I need! Watch out paper, here I come!
