I use music for healing. I've always turned to music to bring me up when I've been in bad places. I think everyone does that, too. Music literally soothes the soul. You can listen to so many genres and they spur up all kinds of emotions. I love metal, and when I'm in an angry mood, I'll listen to KoRn. When I'm pumped, I'll listen to Coldplay or Oingo Boingo. So, here's some of the songs that I've always turned to when I've been at my lowest or at my highest. These songs have helped me cope throughout my life, as many of you probably have specific songs that have helped you, too.

1. Fix You by Coldplay

Coldplay has always been an influential band for me. I remember when VH1 or MTV had JumpStart in the mornings during the week. I saw the Clocks music video and I knew I was hooked. Chris Martin's lyrics really spoke to me. They always have. Fix You is one song that definitely helped me cope with my dad's passing. When I was 13, I would plug-in my headphones and listen to X&Y on repeat, falling asleep to it. I'd usually replay Fix You a couple of times then listen to the rest of the album. "If you never try then you'll never know what just your worth. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you." That chorus really hit me hard. I felt so alone when I was beginning to cope with his death, and hearing Chris was like hearing him telling me that I will be fixed. There was hope for me; it might take time, I might feel "stuck in reverse", but everything works out in the end. "Tears stream down your face, I promise you I will learn from the mistakes." It was almost like my dad was speaking to me in a way, that even though he made that mistake, I don't have to follow in his footsteps when I feel stuck, that I can still prevail and push through the hardships of life and grow.

I was also very blessed to see them this year in August. They played this song, and I cried. To hear all the songs that helped me cope throughout my teenage years was so emotional to me. It really was a beautiful experience that I will never forget. In that moment, sitting there in the stands, it felt as if Chris were singing to me and telling me, just like he told me when I was 13, that I'll get through all the hardships of life because I am strong and only continue to get stronger.

2. No Children by The Mountain Goats

My friend Matthew turned me on to The Mountain Goats. We would make mixes for each other and this song popped up on one of them and I fell in love. Now when I listen to it, I think of him. It reminds me of the past of falling into darkness and wanting things to end, and then laughing about it afterwards. "Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises, I'm pretty sure they're all wrong". It's almost satirical. It makes me laugh every time I listen to it, and it will always remind me of him. He's always been a shoulder to cry on, and a person who will bring me up when I'm down.

3. Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters

Foo Fighters has always been one of my favorites. DOA is one of my favorite songs by them, but this song is the first one I heard by them. I discovered them, like Coldplay, on MTV. I remember giggling at Dave Grohl in pigtails, and him also being the flight attendants as well as the pilot. Learn To Fly was stuck in my heart after I saw the music video. "Now I'm looking to the sky to save me, looking for a sign of life, looking for something to help me burn out bright". Helping me learn how to shine my brightest because I can be the best at anything. It also made me think about relationships in general. "Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone". With the right people surrounding me, I could do this thing called life. I can save myself, but friends will help me get through it, too. I mean, we're all in this together. We all just need to find the right people to surround ourselves with, and we'll "learn to fly".

4. Clown by KoRn

Now KoRn is a band dear to my heart. My mom introduced me to them. I remember being seven years old, her driving me to school, and playing this song on the way there. (Yes, I know, probably inappropriate, but my mom is the coolest). The intro alone made me laugh. Given at age seven I had no idea what they were talking about, but my mom would talk along with the intro and do Jonathan Davis's voice and it would always make me laugh. This year I got to meet them for my birthday and see them live. Head, one of the members, made everyone in the room sing "Happy Birthday" to me! That was an amazing experience. It's such a beautiful feeling to meet a band that has influenced you in so many ways. When Jonathan Davis came around to sign my poster, I told him that story about my mom playing Clown and he laughed so hard, saying, "That's terrible but f****** amazing". (And he's absolutely right).
Now that I'm old enough to understand the lyrics, KoRn is a band I'll listen to when I'm down. They've helped me with depression, to be honest. Their lyrics really hit hard when you listen to them carefully. The singer had a really rough childhood, and although I cannot relate to his, I had a tough childhood too, so it's always comforting to hear someone sing about hardships. Clown will always remind me of those car rides to school and my mom pretending to be Jonathan Davis. It'll always put a smile on my face. And still, to this day, I'll always listen to it when I'm down. The heaviness of the music is like the anger I feel in that moment and I can let it out by head-banging. I let loose when I listen to them. Thank you, KoRn, for always helping me bring me up when I'm down.

5. It's Late by Queen

Queen has always been a beautiful band. Freddie Mercury has such an amazing voice that it send shivers down my spine and my arms are covered in gooseflesh. It's Late was one of those relationship songs I listened to a lot in middle school. I had a boyfriend then and when we had our falling out, I listened to this on repeat. "The more I'm trying the more I seem to let you down". The song taught me that even though you fall out with someone, you'll still go on. No matter what, the world keeps turning. People come and go in our lives, sometimes for a long time or a very short time, but I like to think that everyone we encounter has a purpose. They teach us new ways to live; we get to see their perspective of things and it helps us go onwards. It may be difficult and scary to meet new people, but we have to take risks. In the end, it's all worth it. "I ain't got long, you ain't got long. We've gotta know what this life's all about".

6. Stay by Oingo Boingo

Once I found out that Danny Elfman was in a band (after discovering that he was the singer for Jack Skellington), I instantly fell in love. Danny is my favorite composer but he's also such a great musician and singer. I get very giggly over Oingo Boingo's music videos; I think Danny is such a cutie! (Sorry, I fan-girl over him hard). Stay is a great song. I don't think it necessarily reminds me of relationships, but more so about my life. I've had things fly away from me and many missed opportunities, but this song makes me feel better. It seems like he's singing about someone staying with them for "one more night", but to me, it's like asking for another chance. "If we get through one more night". That one lyrics is what helps me. I've listened to them for 7 years now, and Stay (or Weird Science) is usually the first song I'll listen to first.
I even had the honor of seeing him twice! Every year he does an orchestral show of all his works with Tim Burton, and to hear his works live...it always sends shivers down my spine. When he comes out to sing as Jack, I giggle. His voice is angelic. Last year was the last show I saw, and he came out with one of the original guitarists from Oingo and they played Dead Man's Party. I cried tears of joy; like I said about meeting KoRn, it's such an amazing feeling to see a band play songs from their old albums. The band doesn't make any more music, so it was a once in a lifetime experience for a young person like me who was born in the wrong era.
Like I thanked KoRn, I'd like to thank Danny Elfman for being such an amazing human being and creating some of the most beautiful pieces of art that my ears have been blessed to listen to.

7. Paradise by Coldplay

Another Coldplay song that makes me tear up, but in a good way, is Paradise. I remember when this album came out five years ago. I was so excited to listen to it all the way through, start to finish. I put on my big headphones and sat in my living room and sat there, dancing in my seat. When this song came on, though, I began to cry. It reminded me of my dad. "When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth.". Even though the girl Chris spoke of had a hard time, she got through it. She knew that things get hard but we must push onwards. We all, in the end, get our own paradise that we always hope for. "Life goes on, it gets so heavy". With my dad being gone, it's been tough. My paradise was interrupted, but I've pushed through it. My paradise is still beginning. My life will go forward just like it always has, and no matter what other hardships I'll go through, I always know that the paradise I hope for will come soon enough.

8. Miracles Out Of Nowhere by Kansas

Kansas is, in my opinion, extremely musically talented. I love the instruments they use, especially violins and guitars mixed together. The music they've produced is so beautiful and, again, they have amazing talent. My mom turned me onto them when I was young. "Here I am just waiting for a sign, asking questions, learning all the time. It's always here, it's always there; It's just love, and miracles out of nowhere". I listen to Kansas and always think about my mom. The KoRn song is more of a good memory of her, but Kansas makes me think of what an amazing woman she is. This song specifically tells me that love is always out there, that love is a miracle. No matter how far away it is from our reach, it'll always be there. For me, that love comes from my mom. Even if we're thousands of miles apart, her love for me is never-ending, and mine for her. "It's so simple, right before your eyes. if you'll look through this disguise. It's always here, it's always there; it's just love and miracles out of nowhere".

9. Grand Optimist by City and Colour

I discovered City and Colour on my own by listening to Pandora, and I was amazed at Dallas Green's voice. I was even more amazed when I figured out he was in one of my old favorite screamo bands, Alexisonfire. This specific song, though, helps me when I'm crying. "I am the world's poor pessimist". That's how I always feel when I'm down about my migraines; I end up repeating the same things about how annoying it is to deal with this pain and how tired I am of feeling like this. It makes me so pessimistic. It's hard to not be when you're in pain. "I'm like a jack of all trades who's a master of none". I can relate to his songs, though, and being able to relate to something really helps when you're hurting. City and Colour is usually the band I turn to when I'm in pain. Even though I feel like the worst pessimist in the world, I'll feel it, then get over it.

10. Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden

The one band that my dad turned me on to is Iron Maiden. More specifically, this song is one that we would listen to together a lot. I remember sitting on his lap when I was four and playing a PC game that the band created called Ed Hunter, and throughout the game, their albums would be playing in the background. He taught me how to "rock out" to this band; basically taught me to head bang and raise my fist into the air to the music. If I'm feeling the melancholy of missing him, I'll put Run to the Hills on, and even though I might shed a few tears, there's still a smile on my face. I only have a few memories of my dad, but listening to this band is the one I remember the most. It consoles me when I'm feeling sad, because even though I didn't get to have a lot of time with him, at least I know that he turned me on to this band and that's something I won't ever forget. Even writing this makes me cry a bit, but these tears aren't sad; they're more of a release. He showed me something that he was interested in, and that shows to me know that he cared and loved me. He wanted me to like the things that he liked, and for him, I'll always love this band. It's almost like it's our band and the little bond that we had started with Iron Maiden.