You may have clicked this link wondering, "Who is this nut job and what the hell am I about to read?" Well I've compiled a list of amazing benefits that can be acquired from the regular use of heavy drugs such as meth, cocaine, and heroine. Trust me, I am an expert and have a bunch of science to back this up.
1. Weight loss
Trouble losing those extra few pounds? On drugs you will lose your appetite for food, which will be replaced with an insatiable hunger for drugs instead. You will also feel the need to move around and clean for seven hours straight; this is a good calorie burning exercise.
2. Social Anxiety
Do you suffer from social anxiety? On drugs, not only is it easier to talk to people, but even inanimate objects. People who are sober listen to their conscience about looking crazy in public. You are above this and don't care about what people think. This allows you to have a deep and meaningful conversation with the abandoned shopping cart on your block.
3. Acne
You will no longer have acne and it will be replaced with blisters and scabs. Perhaps even scratches from the friendly bugs that crawl all over your skin. Even if you still have acne, these will distract and draw attention away from those gnarly hormone inflicted menaces.
4. Awkward Family Reunions
We all get tired of our friends and family sometimes. But with Drugs!™ your family will see you as a disappointment, a failure, and a bad influence and begin to cut you off or avoid you. Thanks to this, you will no longer feel pressured to attend family functions such as Thanksgiving or Nancy's wedding.
5. Intelligence
Have you ever talked to someone who's high off their rockers? They know everything. They know that the government is keeping aliens a secret from the public and that they actually live in mailboxes whispering for you to do terrible things to the mop that's been glaring at you for the past 30 minutes. Drugs really open your mind to the secrets of the universe; 9/10 college professors are heavy drug users.
6. Depression and Anxiety
As long as you keep taking the drugs, you will feel euphoria and relief. Your problems are no longer real.
7. Make New Friends
You know those people on the street that you always pass off as completely insane? Well on drugs, you'll finally have the capacity to understand where they're coming from. Sharing is caring so go out and strike up a convo with that man rocking back and forth mumbling about his chicken fingers, and share some needles with your new best friend.
8. Short Term Memory Loss
You might think this sounds like a con more than a pro, but there are many reasons why this can be beneficial. The painful memory of your first kiss, how terrible it was.. why did you use so much teeth? Why didn't my father love me?
9. Energy
A habitual coffee drinker may lose their caffeine high after drinking coffee regularly. But with meth and cocaine you are superman, on the go, always ready! With so much energy!!! You'll never have to waste money on overpriced coffee again.
10. No More Visits To The Dentist!
Drugs dry out your salivary glands, with no teeth you don't have to get your gums poked bloody and be told you're not flossing enough.
