From a young age, we are expected to be in love with love. We hold out hope for the men that look at us with nothing but love in their eyes. Then we learn about the twist: heartbreak, depression, denial, and loneliness that come along with the wrong love. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy having butterflies in my stomach, it’s just that I realized what comes after love can hurt, a lot. Now I’m no longer a teenage girl hoping for love, rather I am a 20 year old women giving up on being in love.
1. Staring at my phone is killing my battery
I text you, you text back, I get excited thinking of all the possibilities of us. I reply a quirky response hoping it will make you laugh. But you don’t reply. It’s been 17 minutes since you last responded, now it’s been 43 minutes. Constantly checking my phone is killing my mood and my battery.
2. I don’t want to get excited and then let down again
There is truth in the statement that girls think of a future with every guy they fall for. Our minds are filled with "what if" moments and future dates we can possibly go on. But I can’t handle another "what if" not coming true. I don’t want to get excited about the guy in my Biology class because I know we will never say more than three words to each other. I don’t want to get excited about my cute co-worker because I know that, inevitably, he will stop texting me and move on.
3. I can see my friends more
Finally I can stuff my face with Chinese food, cookies, and chips without a single care! My girls and I can watch as many chick flicks as we want. I can go out to lunch or dinner without having to ask if I have plans with that special someone. I’m glad I won’t miss out on sleepovers, beach trips, and just being there for my friends when they need me.
4. Chocolate….and wine is taking a toll on my bank account
Every time we fight, another bag of chocolates. Every time that cute boy doesn’t text me back, another glass of wine. Every time I think of you, another glass of wine. We have all been there and the cashiers have started to learn our names. My bank account thanks me for giving up on being in love.
5. I can’t bear to let anyone else in
That boy was the only one I wanted. He made me smile and brightened up my day. Well, when he left, I didn’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. The decisions of the people we have loved have hurt us. But we can’t take these decisions out on ourselves. We don't need to be in love to be happy with our lives. I brighten my own days now and that makes me happy.
6. My phone has so much more storage
Without thousands of texts from you and thousands of pictures of us, I don’t get those annoying notifications that my storage is almost full. So, please, don’t text me because I will just delete your messages.
7. I can go out and not care about who I have to behave for
I don’t have to text him in the middle of the night to tell him how my night is going. I don’t have to tell him who’s at the party or when I’m going home. I can let loose and have fun. I can dance with my girls and act a fool. I can dance with the cute boy for just one song. You don’t control how I have fun anymore.
8. I get a good night’s sleep
'Cause I’m not staying up waiting around for your calls anymore. I’m not carrying on a conversation that could have ended an hour ago. I am not at your house hanging out when I really just want to be sleeping. Maybe my bed does feel empty. Maybe sometimes I sleep on the couch because the empty feeling is just too much. But at least I’m getting 9 hours of sleep.
9. I don’t have to care what I look like
Currently, I’m in yoga shorts with a jumbo sweatshirt on. My hair is tied up in a very unattractive way. My curls are in every single direction. My makeup from last night is still on my face. My mascara has run onto my cheeks. And I don’t give a single care! I don’t have to look good every second of the day. I don’t have anyone expecting Snapchats of how I’m sitting on the couch looking gorgeous. I can wear leggings and a flannel and not care.
10. I am happy living for me
It took a few years and a few great people to make me realize that I am happy. I am happy for who I am. I am happy with what I have. No one needs another person to make themselves happy. The best advice that I have ever received was, “You are worthy. You are special. You are deserving of love. You will find someone who also sees that in you. And if you are pressing pause on looking for that person, press pause for you and only you.” So I’m giving up on being in love, but it is because I am happy with who I am right now.
