Seniors,
You know exactly the kinds of questions I'm talking about. I mean those ones you get stuck answering when your mom bumps into her random friend in the grocery store you met one time 17 years ago. They usually sneak these suckers in right after the, "Wow! You got so big!", comment. And you're all like, "no s*** I got big, the last time you saw me I was wearing a Pull-Up..." Anyways, here they are. The worst questions you get asked as a college senior:
“Are you dating anyone?”
I’m convinced older people are fascinated by this question because they don’t have social media. If you just made a Facebook, you would see the 300 pictures of me with my significant other, and we wouldn’t have to go over this. Then we could focus on more important things, like what’s for dinner.
“How are your classes?”
How does one really expect us to answer this? Do you want a copy of the syllabus? Give me a freaking break.
“You’re graduating this year, right?”
Actually, I’m thinking about sticking around for another few years, because $42,000 a year is pocket-change. *dramatic eye roll*
“How do you like your school?”
Well, considering I’ve been here for four years, and haven’t decided to leave, I must like it. Or did you think I was being held here against my will?
“Will you be moving back in with Mom and Dad?”
My personal favorite answer to this is, “Actually, I was thinking I’d move in with you”. They usually just walk away.
“Didn’t your brother/sister graduate early?”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was a competition. Last I checked, life was a marathon, not a sprint. So go take a jog, nosey.
“So do you have to take a bunch of tests?”
Why, yes, I do. Thank you for reminding me. I should be studying instead of having this pointless conversation.
“What’s your friend so-and-so from high school up to?”
I don’t know, how about I go back in time 4 ½ years to the last time we spoke and ask them.
“Are you going to walk at your graduation ceremony?”
I don’t know, but I do plan on walking to my fridge in a few minutes….
“So, what’s your plan after graduation?”
This is it. The worst possible question you could ask a college senior. If this question were a person, it’d be the girl who reminds the teacher that there’s homework due on a Friday morning when everyone’s hungover. Nobody likes that girl. So please, do us all a favor and don’t ask. The answer to this question is very complicated, and varies depending on my mood. There’s a 20 percent chance I’m going to tell you my actual life goals. If I do, I probably had at least two cups of coffee, eight hours of sleep and a burrito that day. Next, there’s the 30 percent chance I tell you unenthusiastically that I have no clue, and that I’m just trying to make it through the semester alive. And lastly, there’s the ever-so-popular 50 percent chance that I tell you to grow up. Do you know how many people ask us this stupid question? Would you like a realistic answer? My real plan is to attempt to walk across the graduation stage without falling on my butt. Then, second part of my plan is to take one-too-many shots of Fireball with my friends, and attempt to forget that fact that as of tomorrow, I have to be a real person. I have to use words such as “401k” and “utility bills”. Did you know Netflix doesn’t pay for itself? What kind of country is this anyways? So, person I barely know, don’t ask me what my plan is. Congratulate me on the hard work I put in for the past 22 years of my life. And, if you’re really feeling generous, offer to pay for my Master’s degree. ‘Cause this s**t ain’t over.
