It is so easy to make a mockery of the modern dating world. I’m not sure what it was like fifteen years ago, but I feel like pick-up lines have become an absolute joke. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a good pick-up line. I mean, if you can make me laugh then you’re off to a pretty good start but sometimes, I have to think to myself, “Has that actually ever worked for you?” Here are ten pick-up lines that were REALLY used on me that I had to laugh at.
1. “Are you missing some change because I think I just found a dime?”
Wait, actually I think I did drop some change in the parking lot earlier...Oh, wait. You’re saying I’m a 10/10. I get it.
2. “Are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out.”
Alright, the biologist in me appreciated this one. Props to you, young man.
3. “Thank God I’m wearing gloves because you’re too hot to handle."
HA. Did you mean oven mitts because I don’t want those latex ones to melt to your hands? That would be painful.
4. “Is your mother a beaver because DAAAAAMMM, girl?”
I think I should go ahead and point out that this one happened outside of the DMs and this man actually yelled dam like that in the bar. *backs away slowly*
5. “On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?”
Patriotic. Okay, I salute you, sir.
6. “Is your real name Gillette because you're the best a man can get?”
No, but you better believe I’m about to legally change that ish so I can use this. “Why hello. I’m Gillette and I’m the best a man can get.” Yup. *speeds to courthouse*
7. “I want to paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.”
*jaw drops* I’m sorry, what? *blocks* *reports* *flags*
8. “Are you an ideal amount of red phosphorus and I a perfectly proportioned wooden stick because I think we’re a match?
Clever. Didn’t see where we were going there for a sec but I like it. Thumbs up.
9. “Feel this shirt I just go it today.” *caresses sleeve* “You know what that’s made of? Boyfriend material.”
Woah. Slow down there, big man. Commitment must be earned but you’re well on your way with this clever line.
10. Him: “OH MY GOD!” Me: “WHAT?” Him: “I think you just blinded me with your beauty. I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”
Not going to lie. This one definitely worked. Well played, dude. Well. Played.
Whether sliding in the DMs, approaching in a bar or just trying to spice up the text life please, gentlemen, put some effort into your pick-up lines. Less creep, more creativity. That’s the way to our hearts. Go forth and woo the ladies.
