Lifeguarding: the job everyone seems to think is great. For those reading this that are actual guards, I am sure you are laughing at the previous statement. As much fun as this job seems to be, it is often not what it seems. At the end of the day, lifeguarding is great, but there are some constant problems.
1. Tan Lines
Lifeguarding tan lines may actually be the worst thing ever. While the rest of the population seems to think that lifeguarding gives you a great tan, they are misled. You can spot a lifeguard by seeing tan things and pale shins accompanied with an almost completely tan face except for the sunglass tan. Other key identifiers is the guard tube strap tan line across someones chest.
2. Having to yell "walk please" every five seconds
I think every lifeguard can agree that you use your whistle more to tell kids to walk than actually alerting for a save. I think a lifeguard yells "walk please" at least 50 times a shift.
3. Putting band-aids on the kids that were running.
Almost as fun as telling the kids to walk is having to give them first aid when they fall. They just don't listen, so I guess karma got them then.
4. Praying for storms
How many times has a lifeguard done this? The limit does not exist. If there is even a small chance for thunder the lifeguards might even try to do a rain dance in hopes that no one will come to the pool.
5. The antisocial aspect
Have you ever sat in a chair for two hours and talked to no one? Well a little tip here: don't do it. You may seriously start to overthink every decision you have ever made.
6. Music
Yes, manager, there is a limit to how much classic rock one person can listen to in a week and it taps out at about four hours. Sometimes the guards just want to listen to music they actually like. They will even keep it family friendly if you just change the station.
7. Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day
I am always happy to celebrate America and everything, but oh dear lord why does everyone and their brother, mother, cousin, aunt, uncle, long lost relative, and friends come to the pool all on the same day? Please I beg of you have a party at your house not the pool.
8. People that take forever to rotate
Look I get it, it is hot and you are behind your friend in rotation, but for the love of all things good please walk faster, because my small amount of break time is decreasing by the second. Just rotate a little faster, I am not asking for much here.
9. The baby pool
Every guard knows the baby pool is the grossest pool. I mean it is basically children's pee with chlorine in it. Plus someone always has an accident in the baby pool. It is just way too gross in there.
10. Forever being burnt
Yes lifeguards are very apt at using sunscreen. I apply it like four times a shift, maybe more, but we are human and still get burnt. Cloudy days can screw you up, being left on stand for 3 hours is a recipe for burning, and being forgetful all come back to bite you in the butt.
