Mondays would be a little less horrible if the UW-Madison student body followed these 10 simple rules.

1. Sit every other seat

Cohabitation is respecting personal space. So when class attendance is optional, please (for the love of God) sit every other seat. I am not trying to knee kiss a complete stranger in a hot, sweaty classroom.

2. Contain your bodily fluids

My neck is not a splash zone for your snot and spit. I get it – going to lecture when you are sick sucks. I applaud you for making the trek, but if you are sick stay in the back, be quiet and cover your oozing liquids. Stop loudly hawking up that loogie, and stop coughing up your left lung. I’m trying to learn about divergent and convergent boundaries here.

3. Stop having conversations while the professor is speaking

I recently did the math. (Me? Math? Whaaaaaa?!) Depending on the number of credits you take, you are spending anywhere from $150 to $200 per LECTURE. No conversation about the weekend is worth that. I am planning on getting my money’s worth, and you should, too.

4. For everyone's sake... stop online shopping

Holy distracting. It is just common courtesy to not. I show major self-restraint, having only my email and notes tab open, but the computer in front of me doesn't care. It’s on ASOS looking at the 75 percent-off section. If shopping is necessary, all I ask is that you sit in the back. It’s not like you're paying attention to the lecture anyway.

5. Don't add commentary to lectures.... that's what office hours are for

If you want to speak in lecture, become a professor. A lecture is not the place to add your two cents. Is your goal to make lecture as awkward as possible? The professor has no idea how to deal with your commentary. Go to office hours and “impress” your professor there.

6. Cap your cups

I get that accidents happen or whatever but they just can’t when it comes to drinks in lecture. Most large lecture halls are slanted for viewing purposes. However, this genius design has a flaw. Its 25-degree slant makes it such that the smallest spill disperses and trickles down, hitting nearly every backpack, shoe and coat in sight.

People don't like it when sticky double whip mocha frappe is seeped into every belonging they brought to class. They especially don’t like it when it was due to your avoidable behavior.

7. Stop tapping on the f***** back of my chair

Like... what? Why do I need to even cover this rule? Just be considerate.

8. Please have some sense of personal hygiene

At the very least, brush your teeth. I can smell your breath and the people around you can, too.

9. Stop saving seats for your friends, their friends and their friend's extended family

I get one or two seats… but the entire row? My theory is that preschools stopped teaching the "you move your feet, you lose your seat” rule. There truly is no other explanation.

10. ACTUALLY GO TO LECTURE

It will make you a more wholesome person. Sure, you can skip and sleep in, but you can do that on seriously any other day for the rest of your entire life! You will like the class more, and you will get more out of it.