Everybody is different. Some people can walk right up to strangers and start chatting to them like they've been friends for years. Others ... well, we stand at least five feet away and wonder what on earth they put in their coffee that morning. Don't they know you're supposed to observe new humans for at least ten minutes before leaving the safety of the Personal Bubble to speak to them? Reckless.
1. Small talk is the bane of your existence.
What do you mean it's not normal to ask about serious career goals and what happened on so-and-so's seventh birthday (hi, I totally stalked you on Facebook)? While everyone else is talking about the weather, you're frantically trying to reword "it's so warm!" so you can agree with everyone else in this painful mockery of a conversation.
2. Eye contact can sometimes give you trouble.
My eyes are watering? Did I forget to blink again?? Wait, what eye am I supposed to be looking at? I'll just look at their nose. Oh god, what's that on their nose?!
3. Now that you think of it, words give you trouble, too.
Eventually you just give up on talking.
4. You're really good at avoiding ... anything and everything.
Your natural inclination when you see someone you know outside of the situation that you usually see them in? Run. Just run away. If you interact, the world will probably implode. Everyone should probably thank you.
5. Your lack of communication skills means you use some pretty awesome facial expressions.
Your eyebrows speak when you can't.
6. Eating in front of people is exhausting.
Where's my napkin? Am I chewing too loud? That doesn't matter. Why are they looking at me?! Shit, they asked me a question. Smile and nod. ... and now they're frowning.
7. You're not quite sure what "flirting" is.
Get ready for some weird compliments and an overall twitchiness.
8. Speaking of twitchiness, you probably have some tells.
Whether you tell jokes when you're uncomfortable or twirl your hair 50 miles a minute, people can probably tell when you're being awkward. Or, simply, that you are awkward.
9. You try to warn people of how awkward you are.
... only to have them not believe you. At least you'll get the satisfaction of telling them, "I told you so" later.
10. You try to convince yourself that you're Jess awkward. Queen.
Because there's always hope.
