Finals week is drawing closer and closer with each passing moment; college students are anticipating the stress and anxiety that comes with the impending exams and end of the spring semester. That being said, this doesn’t mean all college students are eager to attend every class they have on their schedules. I mean, who really wants to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to sprint halfway across campus for Anatomy and Physiology, right? Well, a lot of us do, actually, considering we pay thousands of dollars (and our first-born child) to the university we attend in order to attend classes... but still, there are those occasions when attending class is just not possible. So, if you’re in need of any excuses to get yourself out of class this week (psst, I won’t tell your professor, I promise), feel free to try one of these:
1. Feign a terrible, contagious illness.
Okay, so this is probably the most overused excuse to get out of classes by college students, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t do the trick when it needs to. 99 percent of professors don’t want a deathly ill student sitting in front of them during the class period, spreading icky germs and potentially transmitting pathogens to all the other students in the class, too. Just don’t overuse this excuse repeatedly over the course of the semester because your professor was not born yesterday (I mean, he/she probably has a master’s or doctorate-level degree) and will catch on to the fact you were sick for over half the course of the semester. Remember, you're supposed to have the “flu” or “strep throat,” not tuberculosis or Stage III cancer.
2. Important appointments.
Not all professors are okay with it, but many of the ones I’ve had are fairly understanding when it comes to missing class due to a doctor’s appointment or dentist appointment. So, you can always “schedule an appointment” if you feel like skipping class. That being said, double check to make sure you’re not missing class on the day of a test or quiz because then you might run into some more serious issues.
3. Being an obedient citizen.
Two words, my friends: Jury. Duty. If you tell your professor you can’t make it to class because you have jury duty, they really can’t say a whole lot besides “have fun,” simply because you’re obligated to serve your country. However, this is one excuse that may be a bit difficult to get away with if your professor decides he or she needs legitimate proof behind your excuse in black and white. Additionally, this may or may not be a federal crime if you're caught in the middle of a lie (not 100 percent sure on that one…).
4. Pet problems.
If you happen to know your professor has a soft spot for animals, you can always enlist the excuse of “my dog got hit by a car,” or “my cat died.” This is quite the miracle worker excuse when used on the right professor; on the other hand, some professors could not give a rat’s behind about your beloved pet’s heart wrenching death.
5. Fender bender.
A great excuse to add to your excuse portfolio is the old “I got in a car accident on my way to class.” This not only makes your professor believe that you were being a good lil’ motivated student, but also that you had full intentions to be there. You just so happened to be at the wrong intersection at the wrong time and your “trip to class” was simply interrupted. Accidents happen, right?
6. Itchy issue.
Have you ever had lice? I haven’t, but a kid in my Psychology 101 class in my freshman year did and he missed class for a whole week because of it. The best part? The professor can’t really tell you to come to class because that would mean exposing himself or herself and the rest of your class to lice infestation, and that’s just nasty. So the next time you need to get out of class, email your professor and tell him tiny little bugs are currently running around on your scalp.
7. Family first.
No, I’m not saying you should tell your professor that your grandfather died and you have to go home to be with family and attend the funeral. Let’s just be honest, that’s really not something to lie about. The death of a loved one should not be used an excuse, plain and simple. However, that doesn’t mean you couldn’t tell your professor that you can’t make it to class because your mother called you screaming last night telling you to come home as soon as possible because there was an emergency (just leave out the part when she told you to come home because your little brother used the “big boy” potty for the first time in his life). It’s all in the details, y’know?
8. Bad bowels.
Speaking of the potty, there’s always the not-so-pleasing (but oh so real) excuse of having a nasty case of diarrhea. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go. If you tell your professor you have a nasty case of diarhea and can’t stay out of the bathroom for more than ten minutes at a time, he or she will probably take your excuse. Otherwise, you’d be interrupting their class repeatedly to leave and come back from the restrooms and dutch-ovening the entire room when you were there. Just be prepared to have the professor you use this excuse on to look at you a little differently for the rest of the course or around campus.
9. Planned vacation.
If you know the date that you already are planning to miss in advance (like knowing you'll miss the class period the morning after St. Patrick’s Day because you're going out to celebrate the holiday), then there’s always the reliable excuse of going on a family vacation that you can try on your professor. Usually, if you tell your professor far enough in advance that your family is going on a vacation and your parents have already bought you a plane ticket and everything, he or she may actually be perfectly okay with it. The key to this one, though, is making sure to give your professor sufficient ahead-of-time notice.
10. Horribly heartbroken.
This one certainly doesn’t work with every professor out there, but if you tell your professor that your “significant other” (whether or not you actually have a significant other is irrelevant) just broke up with you and you’re completely torn up about it, they may excuse your absence. After all, no professor wants a student in class who sobs loudly over the sound of him or her explaining concepts of quantum physics. That’s honestly literal torture for everyone.
As you can see, there are many excuses out there that can get you out of class without causing too much of a problem. That being said, professors are not dumb and they can see right through you if you’re missing class repeatedly throughout the semester and offering them an assortment of weird excuses. Personally, I’m proud to say I’m not a class-skipper whatsoever, myself, and have only missed one college class in my career because my alarm decided it didn’t want to go off that day (unruly little bugger). So use your missed class periods wisely and remind yourself that the goal is to actually attend class as much as possible — otherwise, why are you paying so much to take it?