People these days love to compare our Republican front-runner Donald Trump to lots of things: toddlers, dictators, etc. But honestly, Donald Trump is just exactly like that stupid popular jock that everyone hated in high school. Here are 10 Trump quotes that prove it:
1. "I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-11, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down."
When a jock is talking in class and has no idea what he's talking about, but still says it completely confidently. In this case, Mr. Trump really should know what he's talking about, considering he's running for, I don't know, President.
2. "Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, [Republican rival Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: 'If they're small, something else must be small.' I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee."
Our favorite things jocks do—compare hands. A mark of their manhood or whatever, they think it gives them value. Having the biggest hands among one another helps them figure out the alpha, it's just childish to see it among Republican presidential candidates. Maybe we should focus on the validity of their policies instead of the size of their hands.
3. “I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
We've heard this one a thousand times. "Well my bro is gay and that's alright, but it's just not my thing." Well, buddy, it doesn't have to be your thing or your value. Why? Their choice in who they love has absolutely zero effect on you. Same with you, Trump.
4. "My IQ is one of the highest— and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure; it's not your fault."
When a jock gets a C+ on his test. So proud. We all feel inferior.
5. "My Twitter has become so powerful that I can actually make my enemies tell the truth."
When they drop major fire on Twitter like some sick basketball scores or subtweets about hot girls. Too sick guys. Too sick. But in the
6. "I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”
When a jock talks himself up to other people. We get it bud. You're great and pull all the hotties. But being a total jerk and being honest are not the same thing.
7. "I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke."
Sorry, we don't all drink protein shakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner and compare abs in the mirror at the gym, bro.
8. “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”
When the jock pays for McDonald's for the whole squad. Make it rain, buddy.
9. "It’s freezing and snowing in New York—we need global warming!”
When a jock thinks he can solve the world's problems. Aw, you're just so full of good ideas. Especially the ones that doom mankind.
10. “All of the women on "The Apprentice" flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected."
When they are the ultimate lady killer. As attractive as your giant ego is, women probably aren't as obsessed with you as you are with yourself. Actually, it would be nearly impossible for the ladies to obsess over you like you obsess over yourself.
Donald, we get it now. We understand where you're coming from. You just never left high school. But here's the problem, you're not trying out for the basketball team, you're running for president. Time to take off your Nike pros and put on a business suit. This should be interesting.