Survival Guide for the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse!
Halloween

Your Go-To Guide To Surviving The Impending Zombie Apocalypse

Hide your kids! Hide your wives! And hide your brains, cuz they'z eatin' everybody out here!

19

If the current state of the world and "American Horror Story" has taught us anything this October, it is that DOOMSDAY is upon us, and I am NOT talking about the Superman villain (though that would be pretty cool)! The Apocalypse is a-comin' and you know what that means? ZOMBIES.

So, when the undead come knocking at your door looking for sustenance on your fleshy gooey knowledge meat, you need to be prepared.

SO, HEED MY WORDS, PEOPLE… AGAIN! YOUR LIVES MAY DEPEND ON IT… AGAIN!

 Know the enemy!

Time for all of those hours studying in college for good! To even attempt surviving the impending doom that is approaching, you must understand everything ZOMBIE. Books, movies, TV, video games, THE INTERNET! LEARN PEOPLE!!!

 Put your guard up!   

Surviving the end of the world means putting up a strong defense, so you must have a sturdy base camp. Lock and barricade all potential entrances, BUT not before raiding the local markets for food, medical supplies, tools and other resources for an effective bunker (bring coupons)!

  Prepare for mobility!

Though base camps are a great idea, there is always a solid chance that you will need to move around, especially when supplies are low. For this, you will most likely be traveling on foot, therefore, you need to have proper attire — protective, long-sleeve shirts and long pants that do not inhibit movement, and the best running shoes you can find.

BONUS: If you can get a car, BEEF IT UP! Be careful with bicycles and motorbikes. And lastly… tanks and helicopters always win, just saying. (BUT FUEL THOUGH)!

 Tool Up!

To fight and thusly kill the undead "Zambies," you'll need to shop smart. Firearms are useful, but bullets run out. However, you will NEVER run out of blade or other bashers! (Well, unless they break).

Helpful list: Bats, swords, hammers, crowbars, pencils, screwdrivers… pretty much anything you have seen used in the movies.

See number 7

 Be aware of those around you!

An apocalypse doesn't just mean encountering the danger of the undead, it also means encountering other survivors. They could be strong allies or vicious enemies. NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!

If in a group, take care. If you suspect a bite victim or double-crosser, DISPATCH IMMEDIATELY!

 Lay low!

While being attracted by the smell of flesh, zombies are also attracted by bright lights and loud sounds. Plan accordingly, people.

 Go for the head!

While fire and others will slow them down, the only way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain or separate the brain from the rest of the body. A good pencil through the ear-hole, a cricket bat to the face, a solid GTA/C.O.D. headshot… in general, poking around with the ole' noggin tends to do the trick.

Last, but not least: DO. NOT. GET. BITTEN!

IF YOU ARE BITTEN OR SCRATCHED, YOU WILL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE! There is no cure (yet). Keep your distance, avoid when you can, never let your guard down, and if you must fight — WIN!

I hope these tips prove useful to you until the army turns up. If done right, this whole ordeal could be a smashing good time!

May the apocalyptic odds be ever in your favor...

HAPPY BASHING!



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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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