Welcome to October, everyone! The leaves are changing, the air is getting cold(ish), and I hear the clowns are becoming active yet again in lovely Lawrence, Kansas.
Yes, October is the time to get spooky. It's when people who've been planning their Halloween costume since November 1, 2017, can finally come out of their coffins, blasting "This Is Halloween" out of their boomboxes while skirting around on their broomsticks.
While I think Halloween is cool and all (who doesn't like fall and candy?), it's in no way my favorite holiday for one key reason: I'm a huge baby when it comes to horror of any kind. I get spooked way too easily, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Unfortunately, many people in my friend group are very obsessed with a variety of scary movies and insist on watching as many as possible as the month progresses. As a good, friendly noodle who's also up for any challenge, I'm a reluctant participant in the marathon of madness. So, how do I scream and bear it? Here are my eight tips.
1. Make a "spoopy" playlist
One of the biggest problems of scary movies is the quintessential scary movie music. It's sometimes this high-pitched, almost imperceptible noise that literally makes your hair stand on end.
Sometimes it's just some really creepy piano riffs.
Block out all those hateful tunes with some of your own! I suggest music by scary-sounding bands that, in fact, write not-scary songs. "The Killers," "Poison," and "Of Monsters And Men" are just a few to keep in the spooped mood. Plop your headphones in and try to enjoy the movie visuals.
2. Have a running monologue
So, I'm one of those people who talks during any and all movies regardless of their fear-level. I like to narrate, respond to questions, and pose some questions of my own.
However, the overwhelming reality is that you can't hear the girl being brutally slashed and gutted if you're busy commenting on the scene's lighting or asking why she chose to pair those shoes with that shirt.
3. Eat copious amounts of candy corn
No one can be upset eating candy corn. If you are, you're either lying or there will be a horror movie about you one day.
4. Cover your eyes and ears simultaneously
Horror movies are often visually frightening as well as aurally. Basically, it's a lot to handle when you think the killer is right behind the blonde girl but then he ninja-jumps through the upstairs window and starts carving her flesh.
A simple fix is to just not witness it at all. While you might look a bit like a three-year-old, covering your eyes and ears will solve the problem real quick. Maybe add in that quintessential "la-la-la" too, if you're feeling particularly stressed.
5. Cuddle under a mountain of blankets
Think about it. Blankets are cozy and comforting. Blankets are warm. Blankets allow for easy face coverage for an unexpected decapitation scene. Blankets can even prevent an actual murderer from getting to you, if you wrap yourself thoroughly enough.
In my opinion, no normal movie experience is complete without one blanket. Horror movies need at least four.
6. Use all the logic
Something that used to really get me during horror movies was the possibility that whatever plot device was occurring in the movie would happen to me. Being blonde, a girl, and my fair share of ditzy, if my life was a horror movie, I would die within the first five minutes, for sure.
So, instead of relying on horror movie logic, I looked toward real-world logic instead. Do I have a brother who tried to kill me when we were young but was institutionalized before he could? Have I recently moved or acquired a strange piece of decor? Have I literally ever played with a Ouija Board?
The answers are no, no, and heckin no. So, I figure I'm pretty okay with whatever plot comes up.
7. Look up puppy vids
Look at them! They're so cute! This is much better to watch than a chainsaw murder!
8. Hold hands with your cohorts
Because, let's be honest, they made you watch the movie in the first place. The least they can do is hold your hand.
Good luck during Spoop-tober! May there be no serial killers or possessed children in your future!
