Scientists from The University of Texas and the University of New South Wales in Australia have released troubling news about the deadly mosquito-transmitted virus we've all come to disdain. A UT News report put the impending doom inherent in the situation into light: "Scientists say...the disease...is capable of...[causing a]...scenario...that...[will probably mean the death of us all.]" This quote, which is not doctored and should be taken VERY seriously, is a hallmark statement of desperate times. Fellow UT students, let's get through this approaching apocalypse. I, your resident business student writing articles on health matters, will guide you through a safe (and maybe even fun!) human annihilation experience.

Recommendation 1: White cough masks.

The ones the student health services give you for any ailment ever. Sprained ankle? Better be safe and not risk those germ-ridden spit particles being dispersed. Frankly, I'm with 'em. These will likely be the single most helpful tools we have for the Zikapocalypse, and that's why my first recommendation is to beef up your graphic design skills. Why? Everyone's going to be wearing these things...you want to be just like everyone else with your egg-white face cloak? I've already started on my designs, where do YOUR priorities lie?

Recommendation 2: Medicine.

It's dyin' times, and pharmacists are going just like everyone else. Because you took my surprisingly effective recommendations, however, the severity of this issue is akin to the difficulty of Texas universities that aren't UT. Why? You've eaten and experimented with basically every leaf and root around campus. Seriously, start eating stuff because you never know what random leaf might be able to cure your fever, or make the walls move around on a boring rainy day.

Recommendation 3: Discernment.

As the world starts to go to waste like a derelict Blockbuster, people will attempt to give you advice on what actions to take. Listen to your conscience. Know whose information is accurate and who's bullsh*tting you with outlandish quotes and rhetoric.

The Zika virus will represent the most trying epidemic of many millennia; not taking credible advice such as this could mean an unfortunate fate for you and your friends.