Zero out of four.. that's how Wednesday went. Zero out of four classes. No motivation. No passion. No desire. No energy. The kind of day where it just isn't happening. That's how I felt, and I bet you have felt or feel that way too. This season of life is stinking hard and things come flying at you a million miles a second. Classes, jobs, friends, relationships, conflict, trips, money, family, opportunities.. whether good or bad, it can get hard to handle. Four psych classes and I couldn't tell you what chapter I am on in any of them. Keeping social life separate from school. But trying to have a life. Plus being twenty and being like uhm who am I? Just can be a lot. I am only human and I can only hold so much. I forget that. I forget that it's okay to not have it together. It is okay to have a zero out of four day and admit that everything isn't always sunshine and rainbows.
Our social media, mine included, is bursting with boomerangs of cute stuff, awesome gal pals, babies, sunsets, and all of life's good things. But I don't broadcast that I feel like I literally cannot get out of the bed somedays because I am so overwhelmed with all life is throwing. Our culture tells us to suck it up, get it all put up in our storage containers, and move on. Tuck in the rough parts. Don't show the stains. But that is life. Life has stains. It has rips. It is a no makeup, raw, heavy tear day. Sometimes it doesn't even look like anything is going in any kind of order. It is alright to be broken about your life being broken. It is okay to be zero out of four and admit it. Admitting it to the Creator of the Universe that you don't have it all together is the best place to start. In the middle of feeling like everything is absolutely falling apart, acknowledging that the one who created me knows what's up is what got me out of bed. The vulnerability of simply being like "God, I can't carry all of this. You see me and you know me.
You know my struggle right now. I need you to help me. I know I am weak, but with you I am strong. You have given me this life and this breath. You saved me. You ransomed me. My life is for you, not me." In that moment, you get up. The expectations of you and your list of a million things change from your glory to His. Even as professing Christian involved in ministry, I forget to include God in my day-to-day life. I get caught up in the assignment. I get caught up in the leadership meeting. I get caught up in doing the 5 minute devo before I run out of the door. I forget to take up the cross every single day. To give every single part of me to the one who knows what's best for me. I think a lot of us do that.
Jesus wants to help you carry the load. He wants you to console him in your stress. In your hurt. In your decision making. In your relationships. This week, if you are just having a zero out four, I challenge you to remember who you are. Remember whose you are. Remember that being a Christian doesn't mean you won't have a no motivation feeling day. But it does mean that you don't have to carry it all alone. It means you don't have to hide your scars or tuck in the messy parts. God carries us. Zero out of Four. Always.
