If you’re the type of person who pays attention to stuff, like newspapers or whatever, then you’ve probably noticed a kind of trend that’s been gathering among the outspoken. It usually sounds like this: “I used to be the kind of person who was always addicted to my cell phone, but then I realized that it was making me disconnect from my friends and from my family and from my surroundings…now I try to be more mindful of where I am and who I’m with.” I mean, they say it better, but the point is the same, right?
You were maybe disinterested when you first read something like that, maybe a little annoyed, or maybe you resonated…maybe you were like “yeah, dude…like, yeah.” I don’t know. But my argument runs opposite, kind of. My argument sounds something like this: “I used to be the kind of person who was always hatin’ on cell phones, always talking about how they disconnect me from my people and my place…but now I try to be more mindful of how my cellphone can improve my lifestyle, can increase my standard of living and quality of thought and such.” I mean, I wish I could say it better. But I’m just a semi-broke college kid studying media theory. Half the time, I barely know how to make my thoughts make sense in language, you know? I’m not a writer, I’m barely a worder.
But I was thinking over these past few months, in my ineffable picture-thoughts, about how my life would totally suck without a cell phone. Like, what the poop would I do when I get locked out of my dorm? What…knock on the door? Ask a stranger? Sure…people like to talk about how that’s more “community” and everything, about how that encourages people to interact with other real humans and so on. But isn’t that just bologna? With my cell phone, I just have to text my roommate. He lets me in, and I didn’t have to bother anybody in the street or just inside the front door. And, my gosh, I did interact with a “real human!” Why doesn’t my roommate count?
What about texting? What about snapchat? They are blasphemies against the mystery and beauty of embodied human communication, aren’t they? But why? What’s the argument there?
I have friendships and they are made richer by my ability to talk to my friends across great distances. I get a snapchat of my friend frowning right before she walks into her math class. That is digital intimacy. Who are you to tell me it’s not? I text my friend “yo, where you at?” and he texts me “on my way to sam’s. meet me in 5?” What the butt is wrong with that?
My point is that all I hear are these little anecdotal examples about how cellphones got in the way of a person being nice to another person. But why do we have to place all the blame on the freaking cell phone? Yo…be a nice person. And when you’re not, don’t blame your technology. Fess up. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, but I’m afraid it’s become quite popular to use reductive arguments to justify bad behavior. But hey, it’s not always about bad behavior. That’s just part of the time. It’s also about depth in friendships and so on. But the same thing applies, homie. Your cell phone is not the thing keeping you in the shallow waters of friendship. Blaming your cell phone is the thing that’s keeping you in the shallow waters of friendship. See what I mean?
Sometimes, this kind of thing is called “fetishistic disavowal.” It means you admit to a flaw in order to keep doing the flawed thing. Like, you know how sometimes dudes who are being sexist or hypersexual are all like “oh man, I have just got to stop making these horrible jokes! I’m gonna get in trouble some day!” Yeah… that crap. That’s fetishistic disavowal. They don’t give a cuss word about it. They just say that so people know that they’re good people despite their horrible jokes.
It’s kind of the same, I think, when people are like “I used to be addicted to my cell phone, but now I try to care more about my friends.” Like, do you really? Or are you just admitting the thing in order to keep doing the thing? I feel like it’s the latter.
So how can cell phones improve us? Because there’s no point in pretending like they don’t exist. There’s no point in pretending like we can reverse time and all live like we used to live in the 19th century. Cell phones are here, yo. What’re you gonna do about it? That’s the more interesting question.
On the one hand, we can use our cell phones consciously. I mean don’t use your cellphone when you’re bored. Or if you do, make sure you have a specific task or thing in mind. Like, “I am going to check Instagram for notifications, and then look at my friends’ photos for a few minutes.” That’s cool. Do that. But as soon as you notice yourself browsing aimlessly…cut it out. Do some jumping jacks and figure out a new specific task to work on. “I am going to read a New York Times article online.” Rad. That’s awesome. Please do! And then put the phone down.
No unconscious cellphone use. That’s just wasted time. The only unconscious thing you should do is daydream. Daydreams are important. Wandering thoughts and aimless imagination? That crap is incredible. Those labyrinthine fantasies we get lost in are the places where we find ourselves. If you substitute a cell phone for that… then you’re killing yourself. Don’t do that. That’s what I mean by “no unconscious cell phone use.”
Use your cellphone to enrich already existing embodied friendships. If you meet a new friend over the Internet, then hey cool. That’s pretty sweet if you ask me. But just know that you’ll never really know them until you’ve smelled their BO, you know? That’s when it’s real. No matter how well you think you know someone, you don’t really know them until you’ve touched their hand or smelled their neck when you hugged them, until you’ve gotten angry with them and never wanted to see them again, until you’ve forgiven each other and discovered their flaws. And that stuff happens, not face-to-face, but body to body. All you ever meet online is a fantasy. Bodies have a way of shattering our fantasies and replacing them with mysteries. It’s cool. Try it out sometime.
One last thing. Cell phones make us perpetually “available.” As in, anyone can get ahold of us anytime. That’s pretty freaking amazing, if you ask me. But it comes with a caveat. Don’t let this perpetual availability ruin your word. When folks invite you to a dinner, and you’re like “yeah totally! I’ll be there! Monday, right?” but then on Sunday evening your friend texts you and is like, “yo, we’re going to the movies on Monday, you comin?” That’s what I mean. Just because you’re perpetually available, don’t let it ruin your word. You have to say “sorry, homie, I have a prior engagement on Monday.” We teenagers are constantly doing this crap. We hold out on RSVPing to something because we’re waiting till the last moment for something better to pop up. That’s lame. Maybe wait for a little while, but yo… commit. And let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no.
That’s just it. Let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no. Don’t blame cell phones. Don’t hate on them either. Cellphones are radical. But we are not the products of our phones. Unless we let ourselves be.
