You always showed up for me, in the years we were together. You took care of me countless times. You supported me when I didn’t deserve it. When we dated, I wasn’t in a place for a relationship and I behaved poorly.
Looking back, I feel incredibly guilty for the way I acted. You have the ugliest and most unflattering memories of me, some I’m embarrassed to admit took place. You kept me out of harm’s way when I couldn’t be bothered to do it myself. When I selfishly ended things because I wasn’t ready for your level of commitment and dedication in a relationship, and I ran to another continent.
I broke your heart, and it’s my biggest regret. Six months after the messy, gut-wrenching breakup, you started talking to me again. You didn’t blame me for my terrible behavior and treated me as wonderfully as you always have.
Shortly after, you found a wonderful girlfriend and I was green with envy. I didn’t want you, but I didn’t want you to be someone else. You had been mine for so long, I couldn’t imagine sharing you with anyone else. You were my human security blanket, when we dated and when we were friends.
You still are.
Years have passed and you are still with her. You will likely marry her one day, and when you told me over the phone about your impending engagement, I congratulated you, hung up, and cried. Because this was the point of no return, you found someone that made you feel how I never did.
I never met someone as amazing as you. Your adoration and devotion I have never found in another person. I regret so many of the ways I handled things in our relationship, you deserved so much better than me, and I am truly happy you’ve found it.
I will always be here in the wings waiting because you understood me in a way no one else could. You accepted my flaws and saw my strengths when I didn’t even see them clearly in myself. It took me years to figure it out, I only wish I had known it sooner. But we were so young, and I needed to grow up to learn the value of you and our connection. Without you, my life would look drastically different. I had to learn things the hard way, through trial and error.
So, I now get to live with the fact you’re happier with her. I can’t argue, though. She’s an amazing person, and when you talk about her, you light up. That eats me up inside. She’s intelligent, accomplished, witty, and kind. She’s everything I wasn’t at 17.
For a while, I believed you wouldn’t find a connection with anyone like you had with me. I had grossly underestimated how amazing a person you are, that any girl would snap you up. With your loving, generous heart and your strong convictions, you fought for what you believed in and loved fiercely.
All the people I’ve dated couldn’t measure up to you, but at least I had the privilege of being your friend. I’ve learned now I will take you any way I can have you, because you improved my life anywhere you touched it.
I hope you’re happy with her. No one could ever be good enough for you.
