"I prepared myself. I prepared myself for you to walk away. I prepared myself for you to leave. I prepared myself for heartbreak. I prepared myself for what it'd feel like when you didn't text me for days. I prepared myself for the feeling I'd get when seeing you love somebody else. I prepared myself to be able to fake a smile when you asked how I was doing. I prepared myself to pick up the pieces of my broken heart without your help. I prepared myself, and yet, here I am, curled up on the bathroom floor, wondering what I could've done to make you stay." - E. Grin. I prepared myself but it still hurts

No matter how much you think you can handle or prepare yourself for a break up, it will still hurt; for both members of the relationship. At the time, it was hard for me to wrap my head around what happened; I did not understand where we went wrong. Things were so far gone for you that you did not see our relationship as fixable, however, you never bothered to sit down and talk to me about how you felt. You let things continue to sink because that was easier. I wish I would have not been so blind to that there was something off. I wish I would have known before it was too late. I wish I would know how things could have been.

I do not think any break up is easy by any means no what happened, how old you are, or if you were the one to end it or not. We all take things differently and no amount of "it'll be okay's" can make someone feel better. I never quite understood just how much time can help because in the moment it feels like your whole world collapsed on you.

I prepared myself.

I thought I was prepared from the heart breaks before you. What they don't tell you is that each is totally different: different feelings, people, circumstances, etc. I let my walls down for you and became vulnerable, all those nights we spent talking and getting to know each other, running around getting hit by the waves on the lakefront.

I prepared myself for you to walk away.

Figuring out myself what you were thinking before you told me was very hard. It was hard knowing you had made a decision and came to terms with it before ever talking to me about us. You gave me some time upon request to figure things out, and to try and fix things. Little did I know, I was not fixing anything because your mind was made up, not allowing me inside. I would like to think that week you were happy and enjoyed the moments we shared together and that you did not fake it. Seeing us so happy with each other that week made knowing it was coming to an end harder, but it was a week of new memories I will never forget.

I prepared myself for you to leave.

I thought I could handle that final goodbye, and hello to a start of friendship because you meant that much to me. I knew it would be hard, but I just wanted to say, "I'll see you later and mean it." I tried to hold myself together because I was not ready to lose you all together.

I prepared myself for heartbreak.

Nothing ever can make you ready to lose someone who means the world to you, no matter how many people say they are there for you or tell you that you will be fine. It is different each time, and it feels like you lose a part of yourself too. I hated that my heart was being broken because after many months, you decided you no longer felt anything or wanted commitment. I realize now that there wasn't enough time for yourself and our relationship, but I ask you think about that before you start to love someone because they are affected too when you walk away.

I prepared myself for what it'd feel like when you didn't text me for days.

Losing the one you love is like losing a best friend- you talk all the time and do everything together. You make memories that you do not want to rewrite with anyone else; whether that be a certain place, song, tv show, or hangout spot. That person was the first person you thought of waking up and falling to sleep; who you went to to tell the good and bad stories to and share what was going on in your life. It sucks no longer having you around; no texting, calling, social media, or seeing you. I hope you're doing well in life. I do wish you the best.

I prepared myself for the feeling I'd get when seeing you love somebody else.

I am happy for you, do not get me wrong. You deserve to be happy. Although I may not like how soon it is or who it is with, I care about you being genuinely happy, even if that is not with me. Sure, it hurts, but I hope she's everything that I was not for you. It was hard to see you with someone else; making memories I had hoped to be a part of. I hope she knows how to love the quirks about you: your side smile or the way your eyes light up over football and getting chemistry problems right, or the excitement you have about random adventures. I hope she knows how to hold you and rub your head when you are feeling down. I hope she knows your favorite snacks and drinks. I hope your family and friends accept her. I hope that you stand up for each other, and I hope she never changes you from the great guy that you are. With this being said, please realize you no longer have control over me. You did not care about my feelings when you moved on, and since you so badly wanted me to move on, let me figure out myself how to do just that. My feelings were not taken into consideration.

I prepared myself to be able to fake a smile when you asked how I was doing.

I feel like I had this one down. I'd rehearse what I'd wear, and what I'd say. I'd know exactly how to respond. I would try to make myself seem happy and fine so that you didn't know I was hurting. I even thought maybe you'd miss me when you saw me.

I prepared myself to pick up the pieces of my broken heart without your help.

Isn't it ironic how the one person who broke you, is the one person that can fix you? You were gone, and there I was trying to do this on my own, replaying every memory and figuring out what to do. I tried to keep busy and distracted. I made more friends, got involved, got my grades up, and surrounded myself with people who wanted the best for me and cared about me. So much has happened, but you are not there anymore.

I prepared myself, and yet, here I am, curled up on the bathroom floor, wondering what I could've done to make you stay.

I initially took the break up really hard, losing someone after months of being together all the time to nothing was a huge adjustment. I cried, I didn't sleep, and I felt lost. Everything reminded me of you: songs, pictures, places, jokes, sayings, foods, etc..we had built so much together. I did not know what to do. I just wanted to fix things. I learned bouncing back to friends right away was not easy, and that it takes time. I learned the hard way how to handle seeing you out. Over the past few weeks, I have been able to come to terms with how things are and handle seeing and talking to you more. I want to be friends some day, in time, maybe when we are both in a better place, but until then, I wish you the best.

I prepared myself, but it still hurts.

I know it hurt us both in different ways and part of us will always care in some way, shape, or form even though we both prepared for how we'd take this.

I hope you know that you mean a lot to me, and that I do not regret what we had. I hope you know how great you were to me, and that I still stand up for you now out of respect for you and the relationship we had. I hope you know that I am here for you.