In college dorms, you're assigned random people to occupy a space with you if you don't have someone readily prepared to room with but most of the time it's only a suggestion. Year after year I was placed with strangers that were always nice at first but never the roommates for me. They were always too messy or spent most of their time in their rooms which I adapted to. We just weren't right for each other which, realistically is a hard feat when dealing with relationships and three roommates. Things continued this way up until last year when I was given a set of roommates that were different, or so I thought.
I knew I was getting new roommates for the year, but I didn't care much. Until someone started a group chat and we sharing Instagram's and getting to know each other. They were eager to meet me which was nice for a change. I thought, "Are we really going to be friends this time?" It was something new so I thought I'd give these newfound relationships a chance because, What did I have to lose and who doesn't want to be friends with three drop dead gorgeous girls?
Over the course of the next year I grew closer to my roommates and we even meshed together the same group of friends. Things were going great. It was nice to finally feel like I had some stability regarding the long term friendships I intended on establishing at the time. I let them in but only partially because I'm the type of person that only shows certain parts of myself. It's a step of precaution to keep from getting hurt. That's why I keep my walls up because, Who want's that type of disappointment?" I didn't think anyone noticed until one night after we had all gotten drunk one of my roommates said to me, "I want you to let me in, but you won't let me". It played over and over in my head until I decided to do something about it.
I decided that it was alright to let my guard down and I grew closer with my roommates and our group of friends than ever before. By then I thought I knew everyone and felt somewhat safe letting them in because they talked about how they hated fake people, they were supposedly actually there for their friends when they needed it. They said that we were like family. But family doesn't act the way they've been acting. They don't just drop you once your even slightly out of the picture. I don't understand why you practically begged for my friendship and didn't even mean it.
Just because we were roommates didn't mean that we had to be friends. If the relationship was genuine I wouldn't have minded but you asked me to let you in and what I got in return wasn't what I deserved. I became friends with you guys for all the right reasons. It wasn't because we lived together and I thought it would make things easier just to befriend everyone. I didn't let my guard down just because it was convenient for me at the time. The friendship from my side of things was genuine but from what you guys have shown me in recent events that once I was no longer living with you guys the relationship meant nothing.
It became evident when I would stop by the apartment to see my old roommates and my old group of friends. No one actually said anything but they passively made me feel as if I was surrounded by people that no longer wanted me there. They probably figured that since I had moved out, why should she still stick around? I felt unwanted in an apartment that I still had a lease for and once welcomed the so called friends that I had acquired and were now making me feel out of place. Not long after this began to take place I'd see them on Snapchat hanging out with each other as a group. I guess my invite must've gotten lost in the mail. It's ironic how the tables had turned and I had done nothing to deserve it.
The straw that boke the camel's back was when my birthday rolled around. A giant sheet cake, three people including myself, and my kitten. That's who attended my celebratory event. I wouldn't have changed a thing about the situation. It showed me that I had real friends. Because we all know if you really want to hang out with someone you make time for them. I know that day in particular some of my friends were out of town and babysitting until midnight so I didn't mind too much that they weren't in attendance because they would've been there if they could have been. The response from my old roommates and friends was quite different. I ssend a group message inviting them even though things seemed to be a little off. There were six people in the group message and only one of them replied to tell me that they had another event they were going to go to. At this point it was no surprise that they were all going together. The thing that really got to me was that there was no effort. If my friends had two events on the same day I would plan it out so that I could go to both because I want to be there for my friends and I know they'd appreciate the effort. I got no effort and only one response.
The lesson I've learned is to not get too close to people that you suspect may only be temporary. Don't befriend people that say they want to be your friend. Sometimes people become friends with you because it's convenient for them in that moment. They have to show you just how important they are for you. That's one thing I may have overlooked at the time because they seemed like they had everything to offer that I was looking for in a friendship, but it's not that big of a deal. Yes, my feelings got hurt but in the end it was just one of those tough learning experiences and hopefully, I'll know better next time.
