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Everyone You Know As Various Alcohols

Which one are you?

Claire Zollars

Aug 16, 2016

Gonzaga University

Dentist Brampton

Comparing people to objects is fun… Your arch-nemesis to a rotting sack of potatoes, your best friend to a unicorn, Johnny Depp to a God, that slice of pizza to a cobblestone in heaven... We compare things all the time. But have you ever compared things while drinking? Or better yet- Have you ever compared things to what you are dinking? Through a lot of personal studies (meaning a lot of drinking alone) I’ve compiled a list of alcoholic beverages that match most stereotypical peers. Please enjoy, and drink (and choose friends) responsibly.

Vodka

The ex you always run back to. He’ll be there waiting for you, but you know you’ll regret it

Monarch Vodka

Bad vodka= bad friend.

Tequila

The topless girl running through the streets

Whiskey

A big mountain man that likes to snuggle

Rum

A possibly-homeless guy you met at the bar. Also might be a pirate.

Malibu

Drunk white girl who isn't all that drunk

Pink Drink

A girl who went to Catholic school but is far from holy…ice. Not your favorite, but it will do…

Hard Cider

The outdoorsy girl wearing birkenstocks. Probably from Portland.

Bud Light

Your friend’s lowkey attractive dad.

Absinthe

The tattooed rebel-child who is down for anything.

Fishbowl

Super underage. Just wants a picture of it for snapchat.

Wine

The single girl. Has a great night until she realizes she is single and starts crying.

Champagne

"Omg I'm so happy for you and your engagement!" No, I'm not. I'm just trying to get drunk before lunchtime.

There you have it, folks. Every person has an alcoholic counter-type. Which one are you?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Everyone You Know As Various Alcohols

Which one are you?

Vodka

Monarch Vodka

Tequila

Whiskey

Rum

Malibu

Pink Drink

Hard Cider

Bud Light

Absinthe

Fishbowl

Wine

Champagne

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Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

1. My school is incredibly unique.

2. I am not just a number at my school.

3. I feel like I am contributing something to the community.

5. My professors know me and I feel that I can easily communicate with them.

6. The incredible people I've met

7. Opportunities

8. Students want to learn

9. Ability to join a sorority and have a house full of people I know I can talk to anytime I need to

10. I have figured out how I learn best because my school offers so many different ways of learning.

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