Everyone has made mistakes. If you allow your mistakes to define you, you will always be stuck in a vicious cycle. It is easy to feel shame for mistakes you have made in your past. And sometimes, what is even easier is to internalize that shame and begin to think you are a bad person.
The difference between a good person and a bad person is how they handle their behavior. What makes someone a good person is when they recognize they have made mistakes and try to learn from them and avoid making them in the future. A bad person is someone who does not think they have any flaws or they do not need to improve themselves. A bad person does bad things and then feels bad about themselves instead of trying to get better. It is time to forgive yourself. It is time to change.
Maybe you have tried to change in the past, and you think I have never been able to do it, what is the use in trying? That is pity talk. You can do it. You are not a failure, change is difficult; it is resistance to the norm. But every day you have another chance to try again and it is only when you choose not to get better that you are a failure. Maybe you start to get better but you mess up again. Do not lose faith. Forgive yourself and try again. I promise you will get there. The key is to take baby steps. Slowly build up your strength to the resistance and the next time you are in a situation to slip up, you will be strong enough to overcome it.
Do not let your past define you. Do not throw yourself a pity party. Instead, really look at and analyze your behavior for patterns and identify the problem. Sometimes talking things out with a therapist, mentor, or loved one can help you identify the problem. If you already know what the problem is, ask for help to figure out how to solve it. Do not try to go through things alone. Humans are social creatures, we need support from others to be successful.
Finally, do not be complacent with your situation. Do not stay in the situation you are in. Change your environment, change your outlook, change everything and just start fresh. Do not get so acquainted with the routine in your head that you do not realize you're in that vicious cycle of shame and victimization. Raise hell. Fight. Win. Fall down, get up, and dust the dirt off your shins. Every time you fall and get up, you get stronger.
People are inherently good. Your past is not your present because you can start learning from your mistakes right now and start taking steps to get better or get yourself out. There is no excuse for staying where you are. Fear is in your mind, but your future is within your grasp. Go grab it.
