It May Be Pricey, But Your Mental Health Is Worth It All

My Therapy Sessions Cost $155, My Antidepressants Cost $30, But My Mental Health Is Priceless

Maybe money DOES buy happiness.

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Getting diagnosed with clinical depression was definitely a game changer for me, especially considering I was only 15-years-old. As if life as a high schooler wasn't hard enough, now I was an over-emotional teenager who had to take medication to help herself feel somewhat normal.

Little did I know that the combination of therapy and medication would quite literally save my life.

It's so easy to walk around a store looking at price tags on everything and trying to decide, is that shirt really worth $15?

Here I am telling you loud and clear: Your mental health is PRICELESS.

Granted there are plenty of days when I'm already in bed and I think, "Crap, I forgot to take my meds" or I grumble at the thought of having to go to therapy on a day when I'm feeling fine and I'm not sure what I'll have to talk about. But looking back on every session, every medication, I could not be more thankful that I have those resources and the ability to access them. Sure they cost an arm and a leg (especially without insurance), but I'd rather be spending the money doing what's good for me rather than having a little bit of extra cash when I feel absolutely miserable.

If you struggle with mental illness and are not medicated or do not attend therapy sessions, I'm truly encouraging you to do so! Talk with your doctor about taking generic brand medications or help you find a support group if you feel you aren't financially able to afford regular therapy or brand name drugs.

Most importantly, don't ever EVER feel like less of a person because you go to therapy or take medication.

I know for a long time I was stuck believing I was dumb, or weak for needing to go see a counselor or take meds to simply stabilize myself. After spending way too long on beating myself up, I realized that I'm no different than any other person who receives help for their own illnesses. People with cancer go through chemotherapy, people with infections take antibiotics, when you have a cold, you might take NyQuil. Whatever the case may be, never apologize for doing what's best for you!

You have a right to make your mental health a priority, no matter what the cost may be.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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What Kind Of Alcohol Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

Let your horoscope decide what you drink this weekend.

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Have you ever wondered what kind of alcohol fits perfectly with your zodiac? Have you ever thought, "if I was a drink, what kind of drink would I be?" Well, look no further because here is a comprehensive list of what kind of alcohol each of the zodiac signs are:

1. Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Beer

Relaxed, down to earth, and always there when you need them, Taurus you are just like our good ol' pal beer. You never let us down. You're always willing to relax with a calm night in, eating food and having a good time, which is why you're the perfect counterpart to beer. Beer is perfect while having a nice, chill time at home or the bar.

2. Gemini (May ​21 - June 20)

Vodka Red Bull

Just like the two sides of every Gemini, mixing vodka (a depressant) with Red Bill (which gives you energy), is the best of both worlds. Better watch out though, because while you can be the life of the party, one flip of the switch and you can be an angry drunk. Just like when drinking Vodka Red Bulls, you never know what you're going to get by the end of the night.

3. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Whiskey

You're strong and intense, just like whiskey. There's no moderation, and you're either going full force or going home early. There's also no telling where the night will end up when it comes to Scorpio's or drinking whiskey. Will you fight someone, or will you open up about your true feelings and end the night crying? Who knows.

4. Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Champagne

Libra, you're friendly, outgoing, charming and idealistic. Just like a nice glass of champagne, you're bubbly, full of fun and always a good time to be around. Basically, you're the ideal drinking partner. Just like champagne, you're full of socialization and the perfect way to do this is by splitting a bottle of champagne with your friends.

5. Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Cosmopolitan

You're independent, original and intellectual. You're a classic, just like the Cosmo. Whether you're relaxing after a day of work, or meeting up with your friends at the bar, you're always standing a little bit on your own, and you like that.

6. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Wine

You're creative, sensitive, and relate to everything and everyone in life. You're life can seem like a roller coaster of emotions which is why wine is the drink you most relate to. Depending on the kind of night, wine also can make a person feel all kinds of emotions -- from happy to sad, creative to festive -- wine just as much of a roller coaster as you are.

7. Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Tequila

Bold and enthusiastic, packing a punch and always headstrong, Leo, you're one in the same with tequila. You're always the center of attention (whether it be good or bad) and you never run out of energy, which is why you are just like tequila.

8. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Gin

Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details, have a deep sense of humanity and are one with nature. This is a sign that's often also misunderstood, and all of these reasons are why Virgo's are so closely related to gin, which many people either don't like or don't understand. You're also very much of a solo act, which is much like Gin in that nothing else even slightly compares.

9. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Screwdriver

Energetic, fun, generous and humorous, you are one of a kind, Sagittarius. Just like a vodka OJ, you're enjoyed pretty much by everyone, and tend not to be sloppy while everyone else is getting trashed.

10. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

All. Of. It.

Capricorns, or should we say chameleons, are the perfect drinking buddies, as they can have fun in pretty much any situation they are thrown into. Capricorn's are your carefree friend who just wants to have fun, and this means drinking pretty much anything they are given. They don't care about much other than partying and getting drunk.

11. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Absinthe

You're creative and adventurous. Just like the drink Absinthe, you march to the beat of your own drum. Drinking with a pisces, just like drinking absinthe, is quite the unique experience and you never know what's going to happen by the end of the night. Whatever does happen, however, you know it's going to be an adventure.

Next time you go out, think about what kind of alcohol the stars have aligned for you.

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