Every day, somebody loses a parent. People get old and pass on to the other side. There is something different, however, about losing a parent at a young age. I was 20 when I lost my father, just shy of my 21st birthday. I had almost 21 great years with him, but it will never feel like enough. When you lose a parent at a young age, everything changes.
1. You worry about losing the other parent.
We’re all so used to getting into our routines that we never think that something like this could happen. We always assume our parents will be around. After losing a parent, though, that changes. You start to worry about losing the other parent. If my mom takes a long time to come home, I immediately start thinking the worst. It’s a relief when she pulls into the driveway 10 minutes later. Losing one parent will always make you worry about the other parent.
2. You will always think about what could have been.
It hurts to think that my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle or that my future kids will never know their grandfather. He couldn’t stop telling me how he was going to take me to the casino for my 21st birthday. I haven’t been to a casino since I’ve turned 21. Whether little or big, you’re always going to think about all the things that could have happened and the memories that could have been made.
3. You’ll have many regrets.
My dad liked to call me a lot when I was at school. When he would, I would sometimes roll my eyes because I knew it was going to be at least a half an hour conversation. The last time I ever spoke to him was on the phone. I regret that I didn’t appreciate those phone calls more because I would give anything to have them again. I regret all the fights, disagreements and moments where I should have said something different. It hurts that I won’t get a chance to redo those things.
4. You always have an underlying guilty feeling.
Someone who has been a big part of your life is suddenly gone, but you have to carry on with your life. Eventually you’ll get to the point where you’ll go an entire day, or even days, where you don’t think about them once. Then all of a sudden the reality will hit you. You’ll feel guilty for not thinking of them more. I mean, after all, they were a big part of your life? How could you forget them? Being in college makes it easy to forget reality for a while because you get swept up in classes, homework, activities and hanging out with friends. Once all those things fade, the guilt will take over and it hurts.
5. You constantly catch yourself slipping up when you talk about your parents.
I always find myself saying “my parents” in situations where I should really be saying “my mom”. I always say things like “my dad likes” or “my dad is”. I have to catch myself and correct myself. It’s almost as if you forget that they’re not around and then suddenly when you’re speaking you remember. It’s tough when you’re young because most people talk about their “parents” as a collective whole, regardless of whether or not they are married, because the majority of people’s parents are still alive. Sometimes you can’t help but reply “my parents too”.
6. You find comfort in knowing that others have lost their parents too.
For me, I had a few friends/acquaintances my age that lost a parent before I did. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone. It was also comforting to know that someone else understood what I was going through. They knew the right things to say and knew what I needed to hear.
7. Family functions are never the same.
There’s always going to be an empty chair or an empty seat. Family members ask, every time they see you, how you’re doing and how things are going. They still give you those sympathetic looks and tell you how great it is that you’re doing so well. No matter how many functions you go to, someone will always somehow acknowledge the loss you’ve experienced.
8. You’ll finally realize just how short life is.
Losing a parent is a wake-up call, but in some ways it’s for the better. It makes you realize that every dumb fight isn’t worth it. Stressing over money isn’t worth it. Staying at your miserable job isn’t worth it. Losing a parent makes you realize that life can be far too short and that you have to make the most of it. So why waste that time being unhappy? It may not seem like anything good can come out of losing someone you love, but if losing my father taught me anything, it’s that life is too damn short to be wasted stressing about the little things.
