Adoption can be a touchy subject. There are many cases in which adoption can be caused by a tragedy or by bad situations, but there are also times that adoption can be great. I am living proof that it can be amazing. Adopted at birth by two amazing parents, I was given the chance to grow up in a functional, two-parent household (I even have an older sister!). I was fortunate enough to have grown up knowing that I am adopted and to have grown into it quite well.
Because of how well I have grown into my adoption, I am very open about it. I think that adoption is a great choice, because I know that not everyone wants to be or is ready to be a parent. So how come when I tell someone that I am adopted they respond as though I was 1) lying, or 2) like I suffered a severe tragedy? People always ask me questions about why I was adopted or if I am OK with it. They even ask me if I know my “real parentsW” Sorry, but my real parents are the ones that I was raised by and I am totally cool with it. My favorite question is “what was it like to live in an orphanage?” (granted, I only ever got that question from children, but still, what are we teaching the youth of America?)
There are appropriate and kind ways to talk to an adopted person. Of course, every person is different, and just like any subject (such as gender, race, ethnicity, or ability), it is important to make sure that what you are saying does not offend the person that you are talking to in that moment. But there are some general guidelines, such as the ideal of “real parents” that I mentioned before. Regardless of situation, parents are parents and each person has their own lingo. I prefer the terms parents (as in the people that raised me) and birthmother (the person who birthed me). If I say “real parents,” I mean the people who raised me, but that is not an assumption to be made for everyone.
It’s also probably best to not talk about adoption as though the person were an accident or a mistake. And along those lines, don’t talk about it like it’s a death sentence, because it’s not. In addition, equating adoption to “buying a baby” is really not OK. I have heard comments about this recently and it really upsets me. I mean, babies are not something that you can go pick up at the super market, so why would you compare it to such? Although adoption does come with some hefty costs, so does birthing a baby.
And lastly, although an adopted person might make jokes (I occasionally joke around with my friends and family), it is most likely not OK for a non-adopted person to make jokes. That’s just the way it is.
