Different isn't always bad.
When I was in elementary school, time moved like a tortoise: slow but unstopping. College, let alone high school, seemed so far away at the time. At the age of eight, I remember having a lot of insecurities and looked forward to growing into a confident, sociable, and skilled person someday.
Well, needless to say, I'm not exactly that, but you know, it is a work in progress. But even if I don't have my life together, I think it's important to recognize all the changes that I've gone through, even though it may not seem like much.
I also thought it was a pretty appropriate time to write about this, since I'm about to hit the two-month mark of my first year, which feels more like a two-year mark, in college. Since it has been a busy semester so far, I rarely find the time to do some introspection, however, it is really beneficial for those who need to gather themselves together or take a break.
Reflecting on yourself and learning from past events, as well as defining your goals and what you need to do to achieve them can help put your mind somewhat at ease. From my time in college so far, I definitely encountered a lot more responsibility and put myself out there probably more than I've tried to do in high school, but it's never too late to start doing that, right?
When I was a child, I didn’t really think about college that much because it just seemed so far away and irrelevant to my life back then. I’d figured I had a lot of time to sort things out and eventually become this “cool” college student, but time passed by pretty quickly, and reality doesn’t always happen the way you want it to happen. And while other peers might seem to be super organized and their life seems great, upon closer inspection, they have their own worries, failures, etc.
Additionally, I haven’t had a drastic event in my life that intensely impacted my personality or habits. Although I felt some slight changes in my views throughout the years, I still felt very much the same: kind of a mess, sometimes insecure, have no clue what I’m going to do with my life, etc. In a way, it could be viewed as both a good and bad thing to not really have a big, life-changing event.
From reading my old diaries and from my recollections, my younger self definitely had some expectations for me as an adult. I thought I would be this, charismatic and confident young woman that was really well-rounded but I don't know if I would describe myself now using those exact words. No, I didn't continue playing piano and I'm not an extremely great painter now, but I picked up on new hobbies such as tennis and yoga. I can actually eat a salad now without gagging.
Interests change over time, and while it is a bit melancholic, it's definitely a part of maturing and discovering what isn't and what is worth your time.
I've also learned how to respect people that are different from me and their own values. For a while, it was hard to relate to other people or see them just like myself. I believe the saying, "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" is really important and it's only when you actually take a moment to think about the other side's perspective can your relationships start to change for the better and you improve at dealing with different kinds of people.
One example of this would be my perception of my parents. It was only a while ago that I had a realization of something that seems so simple. They worked so hard to support my brother and me, considering that they immigrated from China to America with barely any money in their pockets. And the differences in our backgrounds was the basis for some arguments that we got into; in retrospective, they were not a big deal most of the time because their intent was to help us, not harm us, even if I didn't agree with their outlook.
So my feelings of annoyance towards my parents slightly went away, and I'm trying my best now to be a filial daughter.
Growing up, you also learn about your own identity.
I used to reject my Chinese background because I didn't find anything interesting that had to do with China or Chinese culture but that was definitely an ignorant view. There are so many interesting things about China, such as its long and complex history and multifaceted language.
When you learn more about your family history, it becomes your history as well, and I believe it's important to learn about it and embrace your background.
To my younger self: I don't have an especially great talent, I like to stay inside more than going out, and I don't know what I'm going to do as a career. But I'm fine with who I am, because I know I have grown not just physically but also morally and intellectually.
And I won't stop growing and further trying my best to find a balance between my interests, obtaining financial stability, and a social life.
Overall, it is important to give some recognition for yourself. People grow and experience life at different paces. No matter what, you have grown and that's what matters.
