As a teenager in love, I am tired of hearing phrases like "You're too young" "You don't know what love is" etc. What is age? Some people grow up to be "30" by the age of 18. Others, still hitting a hard "5" at the age of 21. This idea that age controls how mature we are, and the length of our understanding of the world is just another way that society limits our creativity, and our futures.
By freshman year of high school, I had no father figure in my life. After the fall out with my dad, I was alone. Anyone who has experienced similar tragedies would understand, the pain and hurt you feel knowing you were never good enough for them to stick around. Going through high school, without a strong male role model to look up to leads to many psychological trials.
I went through many phases as my grades drop, and my friends began to distance themselves. I was not myself, and not in my right mind. Growing up with such a bright future a head of me, to suddenly drop and fall deep into a hole I could never crawl out of on my own. Eventually, by sophomore year I was finished. There was no escaping. Then I met him.
Technically we met freshman year, but we never truly spoke during our whole year of physical science class. Once we actually met, I began to feel a connection. Suddenly, the old rusted cogs of my heart began to slowly turn. I was alive again. By junior year, we were together, and from that moment my whole life changed.
He gave me light again. Finally, I had someone to look forward to each morning. Everyday, I would get out of bed for one reason, to see his smiling face. Whenever I was down, he would not stop making jokes until once again my lips rose to form a smile. He never failed to know when I just needed to be held close, or when I needed space. After spending a mere month with him, I knew my life would never be the same.
By senior year, my GPA raised to a 3.4, I had a plan for college, I was ambitious, and happy. All due to him. Here we are, 18 months later, and I still love him deeply. Sadly, that's not okay. Why?
As an 18 year old, our love is just "infatuation". To this day, after over a year and a half of being together, adults still tell me it's "okay to look around". What if I don't want to "explore my options"? What if the only man I ever want in my life is staring you right in the face, but you won't see it?
Well, maybe I just don't know what love is, right? Maybe the butterflies I feel fluttering in my stomach every time he smiles at me and says "I love you" are not what I think they are. Maybe the dropping of my heart whenever I spend time apart from him is all "In my head". Maybe the fireworks that explode around us as the world fades out every time his lips connect with mine is just a sign of "being a teenager". Wrong.
I am 18 years old. I have never drank an alcoholic beverage. I have never voted. I've never smoked, gambled, or bought my own car. There are still many parts of this world I do not and maybe will never understand. Many I will never experience. But my age does not stop me from knowing with every fiber of my being that I love this man.
Too many times I have been told my love is not validated because of my age. Why not? How many adults get married after being together half the time I have been with my boyfriend? Why is their love considered true, and ours is just "a fling"?
I maybe young, but I am not stupid. There is no hiding the feelings pouring out of my heart for this man. Ask me as many times as you please, and I will always answer you thus.
He holds my heart in a way no one ever has, or maybe ever will. He alone holds the power to elate me with joy, or to crush my heart into a thousand tiny shards. Whatever he chooses to do, the power belongs solely to him. Because regardless of my age, of my experience, of the lack of time together, I can tell you with absolute certainty, that with all of my heart I love him. And that? Is perfectly okay.
